so. i have a lot. in my chest. to get out. i want to write about it all right now. but i have stuff to do. and i know this will take me a while. anyways. first. i got caught. sneaking out. yeah. so i dont have keys for two weeks. it was bound to happen sometime. i feel i did pretty good. keeping it up for three years unnoticed. its all because i left the light on. if i hadnt. i would have been fine. i even thought to myself about going back and shutting it off. but i figured that it would be ok. nope. well. that just means i need to be more careful from now on. she handled it well. kept asking me what would drive me to do it. i said i needed to think. that i just wanted to get away and drive. she asked where i went. i said the river. it went well i suppose. just think though. only like. a year and a half more. and im out. for good. on my own. its a great feeling to know that finally ill be able to depend on myself. i like being alone. or well. away from mom. i like being with my friends. i love them all so much. i mean i serriously do. they all care about me. i care about them so much. i mean i think a lot about them. like Rayne, Mike, Todd.. with their problems. i mean its hard to watch everyone i know and love have so many problems. i dunno. i hate watching myself have problems. i dunno. really. this whole thing. my life. its just always sucked. and i just always wanted that escape. and for the longest time cresten was. just cresten himself. but then this summer i found a new place. the frey house. and thats just great. im just. me over there. the only other place im completely myself is at the trailer park with the kiddos. i keep trying to write on this entry. but kasey is distracting me with his talk of bein a super hero. we decided that i would have the power to make hot pockets appear on command and he would be able to tie shoe laces with his mind. so ill barrage the villans with hot pockets while he ties their shoes. its a genius plan. church. seems so pointless and fake now. it does really. i mean the center of the service is offering and its the same routiene every week. you know. back when the church was smaller. i was real into it. i felt something. like, sometimes pastor would get so on fire hed start jumping around and forget to have songs or take up offering. i mean it just really felt like somethign was there. but now its all about the songs we play, the things that he says. he wears a suit on stage and has those expensive light systems everywhere. it sucks now. bah. i cant write anymore. i needed to a bit ago. but i cant now. ill be back later to finish. im worried about kyle. and mike. i hope theyre ok.