everywhere i go... everything i do.. everything i read... somehow.. im reminds of cresten. or us. or something that has to do with him. or us it doesnt matter. hell always be a fucking part of me. always. i cant lose him. i wont lose him to this. ill keep him forever. i want him forever. i thought about senarios today. what if? zach and i? no. never work. hes too rebellious... too... juvenille. i mean i love him. great fun to be around. absolutely hott in his own weird mohawk with tight t shirt way. but.. mom wouldnt approve. i couldnt handle him. what if? tristan and i? might work... but just feels more like friends... it would be so awkward. what if? mike brady? that would be a rather interesting one.. i could see us sitting around writing songs together on the piano...but neeley is so interested in him... and he to her.. and i couldnt go between that. and there was more.. just.. i dont have time or will power to put em in there. but yeah. so cresten. even though... i do get hurt... its not like love doesnt come with a few bumps in the road.. sometimes large boulders...but still. for the most part. its great. hes great. were great. and i just dont ever want to lose that. or him. so. there. thats my reason for sticking with him. tho he is a complete retard sometimes... I LOVE HIM!!! i cant help it. id be so much more hurt if he ever left, than i am going to be if we just flappin stay together. i mean really. cresten do you really think we could just be friends? ever? after expeirencing this? fuck no. you know that and i know that. id long for your love.. your touch.. your kiss.. your hug.. every day so much... that just talking to you.. and seeing you places ... and being reminded of you everywhere i went... would just be a fucking pain in the ass... and heart.. i couldnt take that anymore. not now. not ever i dont think. cresten. what im saying is.. if you ever want to break up with me... you better have a reason for me to hate you.