well now im just dead. ish. i dont want to call him back now, after reading that blog. why couldnt you just tell me... and hes wrong. while i was in europe i didnt think about all the bad stuff in our relationship. i thought about how amazing he is and how much i love him. i thought about how much i missed him. and how much i care about him. and i thought about the stuff that should be fixed. he doesnt know. he wasnt in my head. he couldnt hear my thoughts. when i said blame the three weeks i had to think about shit. i was refering to the three weeks spent dwelling on the stuff i want fixed. or i think should be fixed. not even fixed. just different. serriously.... there are things. like. things that ive been talking about for so long now. the whole job thing was a factor. the seeming total loss for any goals or ambitions for the future. the fact that when he leaves and stays at Pats til ungodly hours of the morning, maybe getting to talk to him for fifteen minutes at the most, makes me feel worthless. it just makes me feel shitty, and yeah i guess jealous, (bleh "your jealousy is going to ruin our relationship!"), and do i not have every right to be jealous when all my waking moments are spent with him (which by the way is no problem, and i love it), but i never get to see my friends, AT ALL and hes ALWAYS with his. and when i do ask to hang out with mine, it seems like its such a pain in his ass to let me just hang out with them for one night, instead of just going out to his house. the fact that he just leaves his house as soon as i do, like he just cant wait to get away from me. the fact that his mom asked him to start staying home when his dad left, and he could seem to care less. im sick of being accused of having feelings for people ive always only seen as friends and will never see as more than a friend. im fucking sick of him being around mike brady all the damn time. mikes fucking psycho. it scares the living hell out of me. idk. i just want to start acting like a mature couple. and stop getting in arguments all the time. i want to be able to talk, or call when a responsibility comes up that i absolutely have to take care of first before going over to his house, and not get in a fight over it. its not entirely PMS dont blame it on that. i havent been being an outright bitch. this arguing is both our faults. so lets just fix it.