damnit i hate it. coming home to tears. ... rickys birthday is tomorrow... home? did i just say that? no its not home. i feel more at home at cresten or zach's or craigs.. or josh's or kevins... than i do here. im tired of beating myself up. brusies. im sick of trying to keep it together. my curfue is 10 30 ok? well im sry. im always home by then. ALWAYS. tonight... i just stayed out late... im not home til midnight. sry. but like... im not a bad kid... im not out doin drugs.. smokin pot.. havin sex and whoring around... i mean im just talkin to friends.. talkin to cresten. thats all. but fucking mom. damn her. acts like its the end of this goddamned world. im SICK of living my life for HER. i get straight As because of her. i dont do pot.. drugs.. shit like that cuz of her. i come home 10 30 usually every night for her. i dont cry infront of her... for her. i fucking put up with her shit for her. i just dont want to take this anymore. im sick of being treated like a criminal for a fucking little thing, when im not even bad at all. and shit. dude im sick of EVERYTHING being my fault.. the socket went out so she couldnt watch TV and it was MY damn fault somehow. .... shit like that. it wasnt my damn fault the fucking socket just went out. i didnt do shit to it. the one that suprises me is that we have termites and its MY FAULT. ??? yeah if i "didnt leave my fuckin food layin around all the time we wouldnt have mice and termites" maybe we have fucking mice because we live in the fucking country? its sort of a part of life! and termites? maybe cuz this damn house is 20 fuckin years old? i dunno!! she wonders why i dont want to be home. why im so eager to get the fuck outa here. why i never wanna spend time with her. im just sick of crying. im sick of being angry. espically around cresten. ......oh god. cresten. i just want to let him hold me and cry. im just s so sick of it. its hard to type through the tears. later.