mom... and... i... fought this morning. she was angry with me cuz i have a B+ in band and started yelling uncontollably. i told her mom, you do realize this is stupid? its a friggen B. and she kept bitching. and she wouldnt stop. and i started yelling back. and then she began saying that i dont fucking care about ne one but myself... and i said really? do you really think that? cuz half the time i dont even live my life for my fucking self. cuz guess what? im always trying to fucking please someone and its mainly you. and she kept bitching. and i said whatever mom ive got to go. i dont want to fight this morning. espically not before school. but noo she kept at it. so i just got real pissed and blindly kicked at nothing. and well it landed on the edge of the wall... and took out some drywall or whatever. and thats when she said "YOU FUCKING SLUT WHORE!!! YOU FUCKING RUINED MY HOUSE! YOURE A FUCKING BITCH! I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!" and im so schocked. im standing there like omg. id never, ever in my life call her a whore, bitch or slut. and i told her so. and that pissed her off even more.. and she... cornered me. and came at me... and for the first time ever in my life.... she hit me.........she just kept hitting me... over and over.... its not the actual bruises that hurt.. she hit me............and i pushed her off and ran to my room. she started yelling more and said "i hate you!" again and i said great.. nice to know. ill just come home and committ suicide tonight. and she said "Great! thats fucking great! do it! see if i fucking care, you slut!" but then the bus drove by and i had i had to hurry up and leave. ive been crying hysetrically ever since. and well... today on the bus ride home... Tristan said him and Dan were talking... and Dan said that Cresten smoked some pot with him last weekend at wired... while i was there!!! i was there and he fucking smoked pot! that fucking bastard! FUCK HIM! so... yeah i just broke down after that. and started crying again. cuz well i told cresten that no matter how much i loved him... if he didnt quit smokin pot.... id break up with him... its the one thing i hate about him. and if he did... he shouldnt lie to me about it... cuz that would just make it worse. so. i guess... i dont want to... but...i just... break up? god......*sigh* ive lost it...i cant even cry ne more. ill go to his show tonight and tell him. ask him why the fuck he cant tell me the damn truth. im so..........i dont know. maybe it would be better for me to just go ahead and get it over with. i know i always say suicide's for pussys... but really... now... my bf's a fucking liar... my mom hates me and thinks im a slut....i guess theres nothing left to do but make up a short little suicide note... and find a spot where blood wont stain the carpet... i know mom would just hate that.