sometimes i like to think that someone one day will find me and my life so interesting that they'll write a story on it. sometimes i like to think that ill be famous and the world will know my name. sometimes i would like to think myself stricken down with some sort of disease that will soon kill me and i am learning that i now must live my life for the moment. odd. "rat poison for dinner. pull the cord from the phone, i am dining alone, tonight." i cant find a thing wrong with the band Say Anything. its not my style. but the lyrics are witty and fun yet profoundly negative. its what i like to call bitch-singing. where the singer bitches about life and its injustices while doing a great job at showing his muiscal talent i like the franz ferdinand poster that kyle got me. so i was stricken with a cold. not a disease. but still it came on quick and now im not thinking clearly for the normal but clearer than i think i might have thought for myself in a long time. "shit. nothing makes sense. so i wont think about it" thats how i feel. whoa. i hate myspace. i wont evaluate. oh yes kyle thats right cuz i still feel like that for kasey. blleeeeh. if anything hes just a friend. i dont have "good friends" anymore. i also wont evaluate. bleech. i bought milk tonight. i went to the moto. bought milk. there was a family there, real scraggly, worn out clothes. and they were discussing wether or not they could afford to get the whole milk. the kid kept asking if he could get chocolate milk and they kept saying "no sweetheart, we dont have the money for it" not.. its not healthy for you not.. we dont want you to have it .. but.. we cant afford that. i hate that. anyways. i felt horrible. this kid was dirty and skinny real bony like. i saw me as a kid in him. granted im pretty well to do now but i remember that life. not even knowing if you had enough money to pay the bills for the fucking piece of shit trailer you RENTED. so. they had this deal, 2 chocolate milks for the price of one. the date was Jan 1st on em so i guess they were trying to get rid of them before the new year. but. i bought the chocolate milk. and i gave the kid my second one. his parents just looked at me. i smiled. and they smiled back. and nothing was said. but. it was just that i wanted to go to the moto mart so bad. just for milk. i dont even like milk that much, i just wanted it. for no real reason. "youre so perfect to please me" i dont know. that family just made me feel horrible about myself. i see all my faults. how fucking inconsiderate and self centered i am. im such a bitch. i need to change some of this. "god, i never told you that. who told you that? god, i never showed you that, who showed you that?"