my dog died. i just found out about it today. tonight. mom told me. he was all happy and off the leash. playing with his new tennis ball. it rolled into the road. a truck came down the road doing sixty. didnt even stop. attempt to break. just... kept going. he was killed instantly. im so upset. ridiculously upset. i cried hysterically about a half an hour ago. i think theres nothing left. things are so bad. there isnt. i mean there is. yeah. but. its so hard. i dont care anymore. call me a pussy. call me a hopeless romantic. call me fucking depressive. call me emo. i dont care. i just dont. ive lost it. all hope for anything. i love kyle. i love cresten. i love, blah blah blah. i loved that fucking dog. he was so innocent and carefree. maybe thats why i went to the cemetary earlier. because i felt death coming on. now i feel it in me. i just dont want to be here. cresten, kyle. theyd move on. rayne, mike, lempy, jared, pat.. all of them theyd all move on. yeah. my death would probably affect them for the rest of their lives. but.. theyd move on. i cant do that to them though. i cant. i care for them too much to die. my heart hurts. i feel like a raggedy anne doll thats been chewed up by a dog and torn to pieces, thrown away, and picked at by seagulls in the trash heap by the bay. i just want to look out at the world and feel free. not bound to it. but next to it. equal to it. im so tired. upset. cold. hungry. i have no appetite. i have to go over there. to talk to him. i should have never said anything. i hate myself.