its aggravating. yea. i guess we cant hang out tonight? i know what im talking about. well i guess he had a show to play at at a party? i didnt know. of course. why would i? i crave a cigarette. but.. i dont smoke. i need to stop being around smokers all the time. like last night at JD's. i didnt drink. i havent been able to touch a drop! i dunno.. something has happened to me. all i want to do now is stay sober. maybe i realized how dumb getting fucked up really is. maybe i just dont want to have to handle my liquor anymore. maybe i just want to do it when cresten is around to make sure. im not sure. well anyways last night was fun. JD rocks. we watched this gay movie called "hunting for bambi". it was supposed to be a porno.. but it WAS THE MOST RETARDED movie ever made. it really couldnt even make you horny even if you really wanted. it was really rather annoying. then we watched Fight Club.. and baker showed up and kept askin me where cresten was and if i was still grounded. and i told him that if i had a goddamned clue where cresten was EVER id probably be there. but nope he never calls at all so whatever. and baker kinda looked at me and said thats really big... crap. oh well. i just miss him.. last night at JD's especially. i just wanted him.. jd looks a lot like him and every time id see jd from the back.. there was this retarded flicker of hope and then id remember it was JD. i didnt get up til 1 15 today and that was great. Pat is a really sweet guy. haha. we both thought that we hated eachother. i just never knew him so well. hes really cool. way cooler than most. we get along really well... its neat. well i dig myspace now. so.. i kinda have to alternate between this and that but thats ok. no one ever really reads this anyways. its turned more into something i bitch, complain and cry to. i dunno. i mean yeah happy stuff happens.. hell im mostly happy every day.. its just this underlying feeling that i get out into this. like all this shit about cresten.. really our relationship is great. i couldnt hardly ask for better. its just all the shit i talk about in here is the little stuff that pisses me off. like the rumors about pot.. and his not calling.. and his always being out with goddamend alex or something. oh well. im bored though. im gonna go finish my drawing... maybe try and find something new to draw. i wonder if i could start selling this stuff. if i get one picture done every three days... i could have a lot done by the end of summer. i dunno. whatever.