so last night... i confronted cresten... and told him about everything that happened yesterday morning. i thought hed at least care... but whatever... too excited about the show to care much... and then later... i said "... and the worst part about it is that dan came up to me at lunch and said ..dude i didnt know cresten smoked pot" and he just kinda looked away and was like... no no... it was just... a cigarette.... but thats bullshit cuz when i was at wal mart with josh.. he said something about cresten and i said.. well im kinda mad at him right now... and he was like... oh yeah about the pot thing? and i said yeah... and he said.. you wernt supposed to know... that wasnt supposed to get out.... so whos tellin the truth? mmm one against two... hmmm... i dont know weve been so distant this week... maybe... i should.. talk to him about takin a break... cuz well.. if i cant trust him to tell me the truth... how can i trust that hes really having "band practice" and not really over at some other girl's house? how can i be sure hes not lying to me when he says I love you? it hurts so bad... im his GIRLFRIEND.. he should be able to share ne thing with me... i share everything with him... i... dont... know.... what to do.... i wish someone... something could... help... even in my dream last night... i was talking to Ryan Murray and he was drinking a bottle of Jack and i said give me some.. and he said no.. cuz i care too much.. its only gonna help for a little bit.. and i said i dont care i just want to get cresten off my mind for a little bit.... IN MY DREAM... if he dosent fuck me up in real life... he fucks me up in my imagination too. im so scared... to lose him... but... i feel i already have