well ok. so i did go over to Frey's last night. but only cuz i felt a really big need to. cuz.. its like.. theyre my family now. no.. i meant theyre not. but theyre so much closer. i love it over there.. almost a little more than craig's. i mean. craig's is different.. but i still feel the same over there. its just at Frey's... ya know.. i dunno. we all just.. connect.. and yeah. I was telling Keegan how cool it is that we just sit around and talk and dont have to be fucked up.. and Keegan kinda sumed it up that.. sitting around with your closest friends and just talking is more healing than what sitting around drinking or smoking is.. cuz you actually talk and get shit out.. ya know? but yeah im like the group psychiratrist, cuz everyone talks about their problems to me. like Bergman took me aside last night and wanted to talk about Whitney and such.. and Whitney took me aside to talk about Bergman and such.. and Frey.. we sorta talked but coudlnt cuz Keegan kept poping up everywhere we went.. but what i got is hes fuckin upset about Laura again. im so.. sick of her fucking shit with him. its pissing me off. not cuz im jealous or ne thing.. but cuz hes one of my best and closest friends and hes always in such a misrable mood cuz of her. and Pat Brady called and talked to me.. but mostly i talked to him.. i guess Pat, Mike, Keeg, and Berg are all concerned about my relationship with cresten, cuz they all asked me about it.. Berg was just like .. tell me the truth.. is he treatin you right? cuz, i know that i hear a lot of times youre upset cuz of him. and i just kinda sat there and cried and told him. everything.. about the pot and... yeah.. and i told him that it wasnt so much cresten.. that its my mom too.. and dealing with all this stuff. and i just.. blah. and he cried cuz he likes whitney and she doesnt like him back and he just wants someone to love him.. and i felt so bad for him.. i mean.. ive been to that point.. the lonlieness. we both had fucked up family lives.. his dad committed suicide when he was six. mine was.. never there.. and we just sat there and cried.. for like a half hour. i felt better afterwards. cuz Pat called and i talked to him about it and he gave me advice from when he dated Melia. so. i mean. i just have to talk to cresten about this stuff. i dunno. we all have our own problems to deal with right now. and. i dont know what to do.. i want to help them.. Frey, Berg, Mom, Cresten and shit.. but.. all this stuff.. that.. is problems... theyre not mine. i cant do anything about them. Frey is the one who has to do something about his shitty relationship with laura. and Berg has to do something about whitney... and mom is the one that has to get over steve's death.. not me. and Cresten is the one whos got to get a job and stop smokin. not me. i cant do anything about this stuff besides be there for them to talk to. and. yeah. but i think for once. ive finally realized its not my fucking fault anymore. this shit is other people's problems. and yeah to an extent mine too. but. i cant fix them. or i would. i would gladly make Frey's relationship better, hook whitney up with Berg, bring steve back to life, and make cresten stop smoking.. but i CANT. and its NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE. and so. for once i had a good night sleep on the leather couch in frey's living room. and for once i finally feel like it is gonna start getting better. cuz.. yesterday.. mom apologized again for getting pissed about the test.. and she just said that its hard to come to terms with steve being gone. so thats one thing good. but as for me.. now.. i just want things between cresten and i to be the best agian. i dont want to lose him. hes my best friend. and... i think if anything happened to him id lose a part of me.. so i understand mom... and why its hard. and berg and i had practically the same childhood... and Frey is going through the same type of relationship with Laura that i went through with Shawn.. i think sometimes i was put here to go through shit just so i can somehow relate to everyone.