sigh. kyle. this whole thing. sucks. i love him so much. he doesnt realize. ... i dont know. i hate it when he drinks. he drank last night. hes laughing about it now. it bothers the crap out of me. like those little girl's comments on myspace. im so jealous. i know that sign when i get jealous like this. im in love with him. im scared. i cant be with him now. and i want to. and. he wont read this and know. how much pain im going through. i love him. im not on his preferred list on myspace. i cant read his "special" blogs. that sort of hurts. cuz i let him read pretty much anything besides a few private entries on here that do with some past and sexual matters. he said theres five people on the list. obviously im not one of them. neat. so five random people get to read his most private thoughts. but i cant even know him. i dont know. im hurt and feel so wounded.