god im sick i cant stop throwing up and ive been crying this is so hard. im so scared. shaking all over like a nervous rat. i feel filthy and worthless i feel like no one loves me hes talking about stachatory rape laws im lost he doesnt tell me anything im sick i cant keep this up the waiting is killing me how am i supposed to calm down i feel like im on crack bouncing around trying ANYTHING to occupy my mind. im so lucky i dont have drugs im so lucky its a thursday. im so sick slowly killing a dog youre slowly killing me i need something from you reassurance anything i dont like this being stuck in the middle being unsure the way i see it is we give it time to ease off for a month while i get things set right with mom. then i need to sit down and have a talk with her. something. i dont know. i just want to feel better to know hes there for me again. im scared.