so. it sucks. yeah life in general. i mean. its great. but why. honestly. i dont know. sometimes it seems like im letting go. of. cresten. childhood. innocence. and im so upset about it. really. sometimes i just dont want to. i dont want to "grow up"/ but as cresten put it. i dont need to grow up. ive done enogh of that already. its hard to be both a kid an adult at the same time. so. im inbetween. id like to be. ive always been comfortable in the middle before. never one or the other.. but always just enough of each. thats why im having trouble with myself now. . yeah. Kyle.. he left me a voicemail this morning. it was sweet. but i think he was drunk. i hate it that he doesnt talk to me like that unless he is. its like.. i never see the REAL side of him. like he hides the emotional him. even from me. well. i can understand that. love is a scary thing. feelings and such. trust me. i know.