i am obsessed. i love him. i love everything... almost everyting about him. i love his hair... his eyes... lol weird.. but i love his body... strange.. i love his laugh the most. the little things he says and his habits... i love his smell... god i love that smell... and his touch... i hate that he smokes. he ruins everything great when he does. i cant stop thinking about sunday. or him. hes all i think about ever... sadly. i wont be thinking about him then someone will say something, or ill smell something or hear something... that reminds me of him. and he's all i think about. but sunday... was... awesome. weirdly... uhh... spiritual? almost... ahh... electric.. thats the word. random and electirc. was it the orange glow of the raido light? was it the dark room? was it laying on the bed talking.. or not talking about life, the universe and everything? god i dont know... but all i can say is ...wow... electric. hes the only guy able to trip me up so bad that i cant think straight. ive never really felt this way for a guy before... im crazy about him... ive always had my crap together around guys... god forbid i mention the name but around SHAWN...*pretends to puke* i always was together... i had him falling for me every step i took... it was like... blah... i didnt like him... hardly love him... why was i with him for so damn long? yuck! i just want to scape the memory of him off my brain. and flush it down the toilet... cuz thats where it belongs. i think i loved andy. just for a bit. but it wouldnt have worked. we knew that. ive had guys... attractions... but nothing serious as this... nothing so ....sure... fun... that word again...electric. when shawn talked about how he wanted to marry me... i wanted to vomit.. and the truth be told half the time when i was talking to him.. i was thinking about cresten... and how bad i wanted him... i cried so many times cuz of it... i dont want to vomit when cresten and i talk about marriage.. or living together... or god forbid... having kids... and i like it.. i like the thought. i want to be with him... for a long time. i want to... this sounds bad.. sleep with him lol... i mean not sexual... but just fall asleep in his arms at night. i dont know... im so tripped up. ive fallen... i cant get out.. and........... i dont want to. yeah. my motto: Save the trees, wipe your ass with an owl.