i wrote during spanish. we had a fiesta... but i didnt feel much like parying. huh? what? craig came up and asked me if Cresten and i were broken up or something before class. he said he watched em play at somebodys house last night. that makes some questions run through my mind. slightly. I mean, why would he ask that? i'm pretty sure were back together. all this week on the buz all ive talked about its cresten and i. was cresten cheating on me? flirting around? oh no. god no. what if he was???! That would mean its all a lie. that he doesnt care. god. not again. im skeptical of it. because i dont think hed have time for another grilfriend. but still.. im sick of being cheated on. all the guys Ive dated (so far besides Cresten... as far as I know) have cheated on me. no. he cant be..... I........am scared. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I also. realized last night. that i STILL have feelings for Paul. I want to deny it to myself. i want to say i dont. but just when i begin to, i catch his glance in the hallway, and Im reminded of all that we stuff we shared...and stuff. oh god. im so. man Im sick. and now scared. and sad and distraught. Not to an extreme point like i have been before... but.... man...I just feel so..... beaten down now. i feel all bruised and bloody and sick. i just want to puke and lay down. i dont think i can go on. i once again. dont want to deal with this pain. now... its mostly physical.