i am such a nervous wreck. im so fucking scared. i dont know what to do or what to believe. omg. cresten... you just dont know... im so scared. ive bitten my nails down to the stub.. im just waiting.. anticipating... but what if....? i keep asking.. what the hell will i do? omg. im so FUCKING scared. i wish he understood...he keeps saying theres nothing to worry about... but i do ne ways.... i feel like crying.. all this worrying just puts it off more tho... but omg. god. i wish god would help me.... i feel so lost and alone. never agian i tell myself never agian. i dont know... I AM SO LOST. i wanna die. so bad. im so so so so so so scared. if i just went out and shot myself... i wouldnt have to worry ne more... i wouldnt be so scared... i wouldnt be this nervous wreck.. cresten said that had i committed suicide.. it would have been a waste of a good Veronica... but... I SUCK. i think this veronica is a waste as is. i cant get ne thing rite!! I CANT JUST BE HAPPY!!!!!!! im always fucking something up to hell! why does he friggen care about me?? all ive done this weekend is pray and worry. i just need a hug and someone to tell me that whatever happens.. whatever is done... itll be ok.