show tonight. the band was way better. yay for the addition of Ballard. martinez.. well i guess im a fan now. and suver? im definetley a fan. cresten. more than a fan. ballard. well i dont know him. anywho. i guess you know. i still really want one of my own. a band. i wish mike and kyle had musical talent. then we could start a band. i dunno. i just want to sing. to play. i told cresten that id design the cd cover of their album... and a tshirt if desired. maybe martinez will go for it. i was doing tatoos all night tonight. mostly on my arm. but i gave Suver a rose and cresten this hawaiian style heart peice. it was pretty cool. i dunno. i told aunt jenny today when we went shopping that i might want to get into majoring in art or something. she was disappointed. i should be a doctor. well... i know i could. i could do anything. no joke. not to be gay. but i could. maybe ill talk to Dennis about orthopedic surgery. that guy makes a shitload. the family would be happy. then after a while.. i could.. open my own coffee shop on the side. and paint on the side and draw and throw ceramics. i have a lot of art ideas in my head anymore. i just hate that i couldnt take drawing and printmaking this year. i love to talk to cresten. he doesnt know it. how much i like to explain things to him. he doesnt know how important he is to me. he acts like i should hate him, have nothing to do with him. ... well maybe i should. but i wont. ....hellllloooo... im veronica. i do things the hard way. it would be so easy to just go around saying i hate you and that youre a stupid bastard. im not going to though. cuz it would be a lie. and id only be in denial. id cry at night. and it just wouldnt be fun. to hate someone i love so much. i just dunno. he ... seems like he wants to hate me. i can understand. i didnt do anything to him though. well. i guess i did. by liking kyle. im sorry. i think they could be good friends if they would just give eachother a chance. .honestly. eh. its about time i drew a new profile pic. that one really doesnt describe me anymore. well it does. but.. my style has changed a little bit. i got the heartagram adios. so. i should include them in the pic. i wear my hair in braids more often now too. its clean kept and doesnt mess up when im going 70 on the interstate. i dont really wear earings anymore either. i probably should. my holes will start to close up. i dont want that. im proud of them. i peirced them all myself. all three of em. i dunno. the eyes havent changed though. still the same. you have to look deep. well. something happened tonight. i cant say what. i really cant. ......... wow i just had like a min of complete silence. just sitting here. wow. i just dont understand why people love me. why i can be so persuasive. and why im so amazing. woo. i draw. woo. i guess im pretty. woo.. i wear funny clothes. woo. whats so great about it? there are other girls out there that can do the same things. i really really want to get drunk as hell one more time before school starts. just.. get fucked up. maybe ill stay at the frey house one night and go at it. for myself. i get taken care of there. i really like my tshirt. with the rocket ship and the moon and the glow in the dark stars. i miss childhood. really. ill never have it back. that sucks. yeah...... well. i think im gonna go clean. i have to be in bed by midnight, cuz i have to be up at 7 tomorrow. i love you. night.