dear, anonymous (12.220.38.112)] ..... look. thats what i was saying. its not my problem. and. as a matter of fact. they did ask for my opinion on what to do. and yeah. i did listen, cuz.. they brought it up to me. and i do talk to them.. just the same.. but.. i dont always say everything. i usually only say everything to cresten. but anywho. who are you? do you have a name? can i know anything about you at all? what color hair do you have? and as for this entry. tonight cresten went with me to Drums on the Ohio.. a drum corps competition. it was wonderful and.. he actually liked it. see you never know. and he liked being with my friends.. he was all crackin up with colin. see. you just didnt know. but. for so much.. we went to the spot and just chilled to jack johnson.. (ive got him hooked cuz frey got me hooked)... and talked. you know.. about everything.. and pot. and. i told him.. that.. you know.. i just felt he was too good for it.. you know.. and that i really didnt know why it pisses me off. it just does. its one of those things that irk me.. like you know.. when people run fingernails on a chalkboard.. or chew with their mouth open so you can actually see them mush the chicken sandwich up bit by bit. but it was good. i leave for chicago tomorrow. wont be back til saturday. probably wouldnt care much if i ever came back. the one thing id care about though is that cresten would still be here and .. my friends. theyre like.. the only good thing going for me. wait. i lie. things are better for me. mom and i havent been at it since last wednesday. its like walking a tightrope, but.. you know she realized she was being freaking weird too. she said sorry. shes finally coming to terms with steves death. im getting the Tibuorn she said... so. yay. i cant wait to drive it. to rock it like Frey rocks the s2000... i think ive gotten into a lot of stuff cuz of him. hes a crazy mo fo. lol. yay.. sports cars and jack johnson. frey youre such a surfer bum. and.. things with cresten. since weve been able to talk.. to finally get this off my chest. and i beat the stone tower on zelda and that was pretty cool.. and allison and lindsay are actually like.. talking to me again.. not like they were mad at me.. just not hangin out much. zach had to break up with his girl.. and that hurts cuz... he loved her.. actually.. the first girl since.. me.. i hate that.. but.. you know.. not that he loves another girl but that he was finally happy and that shits all ruined. he called me about it.. just kinda ... blubbering.. all upset cuz "he was too old for her". shes fucking 15.. hes 17. woo. two fucking years. her parents are bitches. anyways.. he wants to hang out again cuz he hasnt been able to. he invited me to his family reunion sunday at Burdette. all i can do is go and be friends with him.. you know.. i cant really help him with love. its something you have to expeirence for yourself. and I KNOW I DONT HAVE TO HELP HIM.. durh. he didnt ask, no. but. I WISH I COULD. can i make that a clear point? that it hurts me becuase i cant, even if he did. anyways. what was i getting at. oh well i think its cool that one of my best friends is back.. i mean its shitty that he lost his girl.. i feel for him.. its just i missed hanging with him. she didnt really like me. well. im totally impressed with this happy feeling ive been having. "you should see my scars..." i love that song.. Bleed Like Me. its good. welp. see you cool cats saturday. lol. as if you care.