so here i am... playin guitar. thinking about nothing. Kevin and I made a deal. This summer after i get my license... hell come over and ill give him keyboard lessons and ill go over to his appartment and hell show me some guitar stuff. it works. my birth day is in like a month and two weeks. and youd figure id care more. i havent talked to cresten in like 4 days... it messes with my mentality when he does this. when he says.. "yeah well hang out this weekend for sure! Ill call you thursday or friday aight babe?" and he doesnt. and its even worse when him and Keith get into it... and he dosent call me to talk about it. i dunno. im always finding this crap out from Ryan. beside the point. i was over at zach's and his mom is a complete bitch. she had her boyfriend over while me, Kevin, Zach, and Kevins little brother were there.. and she was... banging him. dude it was sick. and zach was just kind of sitting there like he was gonna cry. then she has the nerve... to make him go in the kitchen.. make her a sandwich and bring it into her... while her and her bf are like fucking naked in bed. hes her slave almost. i know why he hurts so bad. i feel for him. i also feel for Kevin. he is so against true love. hes been hurt. i can tell. bad. he told me on the way home that i am the first girl hes opened up enough to talk freely with in over a year. he asked me for my picture too. like after i gave zach one, he was like.. hey... can i have one too? so after i got home i ran out and gave him one before he left. i have a slight premonition that he is getting a "thing" for me. why do guys do that?! now not only Zach but Kevin. and theyre best friends. theyre like my best friends. were all like.. best friends. i cant come between that.. sides i have a bf ne ways... granted im frustrated with him... but still...i think it be best that i just stay friends with them. part of the group. that is in the senario that somethig does happen between cresten and i. i think that if we do break up.. id try my luck with paul... since... in the odd way that i do still harbour feelings for him. even after all that. well we watched mall rats and ate pizza and made farting noises.. came up with lyrics, played the guitars and joked about each other. thats for those of you who think id cheat on cresten. which i wouldnt. i was kinda hoping id come home and see that cresten had called. but nope. he hasnt. oh well. ill go sulk and play and kinda cry a little. god i miss him when hes gone.