what the FUCK is the "European Union"?? dude. im sick serriously. well im not sick. my mom is. mentally. shes fucked up. really. im serious. shes mental. shes lonely and manic. shes bipolar. maybe going through menopause. but the damn truth is... it wont quit. not until she can put those damn pictures of her and steve down into the basement.. and leave them for a more nostalgic time. not until she can take that ring off her finger and lay it down in the jewelry box. not until she can admit to herself, hes not coming back. mom. hes dead. hes in the ground. hes not in that damn horse you talk to. hes not in the wooden beams of this house. hes not in that pond in the front yard. hes in your heart. in your mind. and .. you will be lonely until you can somehow accept. put it down. lay it to rest. with him. mom. RIP. that. yes. and i... will forever suffer until you do. you will take your anger and frustration out on me. blame me. until you do. mom. i am not your scapegoat. and i am not the source of all your problems. i am, also, not perfect. but i try mom. but nothing. nothing. is ever. good enough for you. it seems. so ... please. i cant take much more. i think about suicide a lot. more so infact than i have before. without me it would only fuck you up though. would only mess up those i love so much and hold so dear to me. admit it. you can say you hate me all you want. but you need me. you need me to be there when you get home from work. to yell at. you need me to be here for you to hit when yelling alone isnt enough. and im here for that day you might finally snap, even if i have to end up in the hospital... or . in a grave next to steve. im here for you. thats how it will be. mom i love you. and i want it to be all better. i want it to be like it was. when i was happy all the time. but i cant be. not without you. so much time i spent believeing it was me. so much. but really. its not. not completely. its you. dont deny. you know. youre totally messed up now. and... as for me. i wont be okay. im not okay. no amount of love cresten can pour on me can fill this void. i need a parent. not a bitchl. i need a mother. not a mealticket. for the most part cresten does fill this void. but theres still blackness. something still isnt right deep within. and i wont be okay. until youre okay. i truly believe that god will not put another person in your path to curb the loneliness until you can put those picutres in a box. until you can give up his ghost. let him go mom. please. there are no real spirits or ghosts. they dont come as white manifestations in the night to scare the crap out of little kids and wreak havoc on the house. no. the real spirit, ghost... is the memory. of him. that you. cant. give. up.