oh my god. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? ahhh. why the fuck am i randomly getting depressed and shit now?? god. cresten im sorry!! these last few days ive been so shitty to you! i dont know why! you guys did awesome tonight when you guys were jaming and whatnot. damnit though. when we pulled in the parking lot at stoked and i went over to lempy and cresten though... i smelled pot. im not accusing anyone of anything. its just what i smelled. and no i dont confuse pot with cigarettes. im sick of going back and forth all the time. its like lately.. ive just wanted to be around anybody.. anyone.. all the time. it doesnt matter. i just... blah. he just seemed... blah. or something. man im just sick of being everywhere and doing everything. i hope he can come over tomorrow. i dont think i want to "take a break" with him. dont ask where that came from. damnit. why cant i... just trust him? why am i so skeptical? why do i feel like hes always out smoking pot? am i just THAT paranoid?? im to the point now... everyone does it. almost everyone. so why dont i? i mean really.. if this crap is gonna keep flying around.. one of us has to give into the other. so why dont i just do it? why dont i just ... ya know... pick up a joint and go? so why do i have to spend all my time fighting it? i mean. its not like im gonna stop anything obviously. damnit everyone is on drugs. it kills me. i dont know why. its like i feel their hurt, their depression. for why they need it. i mean. i know. when i look at craig, when i look at lempy. i just know theyve had it hard. had this reason for it. i have had it hard. i have a reason for it. why not? i mean. if you cant beat em.... join em. right?