Grrrrrr I am so annoyed; partly with myself & partly with chris. I am in love with chris, but although he will not say how he feels about me, he just wants to be friends, yet he will not allow me to say that nothing will ever happen between us, which means that it doesn't matter how hard i try i'm not going to get over him, because there is still that hope that maybe one day it will happen. I just wish he would say outright whether he does like me like that or not instead of the 'well nobody knows who i like, so don't assume things' which could mean anything. I've just had a rant at him about not telling me & how its no help to me at all, he says he'll tell me sometime, but i don't know. The thing is I know what i should be doing but i can't do it cos part of me won't allow me to. He is causing me so much pain & grief at the moment, but its not totally his fault, its mine as well for loving him so much. Love makes you do so many weird things & its not fair cos you can't control your own feelings :( at the moment i'm almost constantly crying or about to cry, its all really badly getting to me. In some ways i know that God will sort it out how he wants to sort it out, and in his time, but at the moment it seems so far away and i have no idea what he's doing, and is so hard to trust him to deal with it all. My first true love, and look what a mess it is.....but i shall be glad that i'm fortunate enough to have fallen for a guy who i am friendly with anyway & who listens & understands. If theres any praying people reading this, then i would be grateful for the prayers. I've never been through this sort of thing before; never had a boyfriend or any of that stuff.