today shows how right my diary name is, i've gone from being mega happy to being just a little bit happy to being down in the space of about 6 hours! This morning was great, in church i was sat between caz & jane & i felt protected. caz made me smile cos her tummy was rumbling through the service even tho she was trying to surpress it & it was making us both laugh at the most inappropiate moment. and just being with her in the car was comforting, even though she doesnt know how i'm feeling, it was just great to be with her. Then this afternoon i was playing in the crematorium's remembrance service & obviously that wasnt really a happy occasion, but i coped. And i've just been talking to charlie & she's really depressed; Leon's baby sister has died, she was 3 weeks early but only 9 days old & ill but improving, he's really gutted; plus georj went missing & there was suspicion that she might have committed suicide, she didnt & is fine, but it all worried charlie & talking to her got me down too. i was hoping today would lead to a good start to the week & i just have to keep reminding myself of this morning, but things arent looking good.