Charlie & me talked on thurs & she's been all huggy with me, even tho i havent told her whats wrong, i think she suspects i'm not telling her stuff, but as much as i'd like to share it somehow i cant & it seems i should keep it to myself. I was doing ok until this afternoon, havent slept much cos of being ill & having coughing fits thru the night, so wasnt particuarly thinking. then this afternoon whilst i was online chris was on, wasnt expecting him to talk after he's been ignoring me, i dunno but i seem to get up a defensive with him now, its like by not letting myself be friendly to him i wont let myself get hurt either, but it means he thinks i'm being moody to him all the time, then i went for tea leaving it on & came back & he'd left a message saying "do you regret the summer thing" fortunately he'd gone offline so i didnt have to answer; no i dont regret it, but i'm not proud of it & i'm trying to leave it in the past now. Then a bit later tom was online, i was thinking of appearing offline cos nobody who talks to me was online, but then he said hi, we talked a little & he told me to get well soon. but its really messing my head up waiting, i dont know if he wants to be my friend or not, i can only talk to him when he talks to me first, he seems to have rejected my request to be part of my online friend network but i darent ask why. I really really want to just give him a big hug, but i cant do that, he'd run & i'm not allowed & it'd just upset me & not make anything better. I miss him :( and nobody can help me, nobody can make it better