Um...well sit is down again, grr, so as some clever dick suggested i'm typing this in notepad! Hmm happy news, or depressing stuff first? Well i've seen too much of chris today for my liking, cos they've moved the 6th form canteen to the commonroom I now have to go up there to eat & of course he's always there, then there was lunch when i was hanging around my company's stall to sell roses, he came along to see the people on his stall didnt he, he'd attacked charlie earlier so she poked his sides as we walked past, i'm hoping he realised it was her not me. Then i went into town & bought some new trainers & spent an hour in hobbycraft, lol, i was planning on getting home earlier than normal but i didnt i ended up back in town at normal time & meeting charlie coming out of school, unfortunatly she was with chris & cos he has to walk the same way to his bus stop as me, i was walking down the hill at the same time as him, once charlie had gone, however, he stuck his headphones in & totally ignored me. He went past my stop on his bus & i was leaning against the shelter feeling depressive & i watched his bus, now i'm not sure if he saw me, or it was sarah & amanda, but he smiled at someone, i smiled back tho. I'm so tired at the mo & messed up, i thought i was over him, and i think i was, but now i keep looking at lads, & he's one of them & having a longing feeling of wanting to be with them & its particuarly strong with him cos of the past i suppose,but its annoying cos charlie & stacy are such good mates with him, they can talk to him, laugh at and with him, but i cant, me personally & because he doesnt seem to want to know me, i hate it that we got so close, & now we cant even manage a friendship. The happy news, i passed my GB testing tonight, it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be, or as bad as previous tests or weeks, for starters big gob libbie wasnt there lol & it was a fairly small group, the worst bit was the individual questioning cos she was asking what my strengths and weaknesses are(weaknesses i can give you lots!)and then the dreaded question, where are you in your faith journey? honestly, i dont know, i did tell her that and that i used to be really strong but i'm now not so sure, i think she was quite impressed though that even with my doubts i still keep coming to church & trying to find where i'm going, she didnt want to know anymore than that though, phew. the tense bit was waiting to know if we had or not passed, but we did & she's gonna write us a copy of the notes she made :s Agh we're definatly going to Tesco's, they wanna go for the free jammy doughnuts, & yeah i guess that would be appealing if only there wasnt the problem of Tom Reid, its not that i dont like him, its that i just wanna be friends & at the mo i dont think my emotions are gonna allow me to just feel that. Grr i hate what chris & love has done to me, its turned my life & thoughts, emotions upside down & i dont know how to cope or get rid of them! Caz gave me & nichola a lift home, she was only gonna take nickers, & send me with jane, but then we pointed out that actually me & nickers live in the same directions so i might as well go with her. she arrived late for GB & i did manage eventually to ask her why, it wasnt easy but i did, maybe one step closer to being able to ask her how she is & stuff, my problem is that i always revert back to talking about my life cos i feel uneasy asking her stuff cos she doesnt seem to be as open with it with me. o i dunno, i think part of my problems with emotions towards lads is also having an effect on my relationship with her. Right i figure i'm tired enough & its late enough that i should print this & go to bed. :( i wont see erin & grace in the mornings anymore cos they get taken by car now, i shall still get grace a birthday card & find their house though, hehe.