right well last night i had a long conv with tom & basically i ended up spending half the eve crying my eyes out, cos i love him & despite him saying he wants to be with me he also says that a relationship wouldnt work cos we're too different. so basically thats that messed up & i probably wont ever get to spend time with him again, feel like my life is totally screwed up at the mo. came online this afternoon to find 2 emails, one from Carl (he's dropped the 'babe' which is good) that was ok, and one from Chris - he's still away but manages to email me from Ibiza (did last yr around this time too), so now i know for definate when that problem comes back altho i'll be away by then, but dont think that will stop him trying to talk to me, cos it wont!! i'm so tired from not sleeping properly, i still have no friends or social life & still have no idea where God is or what he's doing.