Despite the way i've been feeling i haven't commited suicide or cut myself, which is amazing cos all that stuff has been running thru my head since fri. It got to the stage where i felt all my school friends have let me down, and backstabbed me & lied and i had/have no idea who i can trust anymore, without things getting twisted and told to others. i've had my phone off since fri night, and so i got a phonecall today from charlie asking why and saying that her & becky were worried out of their minds about me, i just feel like saying, well when i needed & wanted you to be there you didnt notice anything was wrong, yet when i want to be alone & deal with it myself you get all worried & bug me. Becky's told chris & tom that i blocked them, and told me that i had to unblock and speak to tom before the end of the weekend otherwise he'd never speak to me again, so i have been talking to him, is strange cos i'd got used to not doing so in a way, i didnt like it but i was slowly accepting it, plus we've never before had to force conversation, the silence didnt mean anything, now the silence is deadly almost, and even when we were younger the friendship just happened, there wasnt any pain or hurt or blame to get over and move on from, its so hard. as for chris, well he emailed me telling me to unblock him, and that he wanted us to be friends and nothing more, and that he believes i didnt use tom, i havent emailed him back tho like he asked, nevermind. *sighs* i'm trying to convince myself that i'm coping, but really i'm not, i just cant turn to anyone, other than God, and i cant see what he's doing. things have got to get better, i cant go on like this!