AGH! i dont know what i'm feeling no more. i keep thinking i like both Tom & Chris, i wanna be with them both, but at the same time i dont, i cant be bothered with relationships, yet i'm stuck in one cos i dont know how i feel & i dont wanna hurt tom, and certainly not just before exams, flippin heck. its like i'm attracted to chris cos he was my first true love & in ways i do still love him & all the physical passion is there, and i've even been havin good convs with him, but i'm not sure how much to trust him & he's not all that reliable. whereas tom, he's reliable, loving, comforting & i just feel comfortable with him, but at the moment, i'm not into all the physical stuff, i'd quite happily just be with him the same way as i was when we were just friends. and I KNOW that makes me such a bitch. cant wait to go to uni, but thats another uncertainty & decision, where the hell do i want to go, i like norwich city & the uni is ok, but theres not really anything in the way of baptist churches or GB companies :s sheffield however has loads of GB companies. and i have yet to see york and salford. on top of this, Becky is really bugging me, apparently she's started self harming on her tummy, she's also started the whole "i dont want to eat" thing, its purely psychological the sick feeling she has when she eats, but unlike me she won't force herself to eat for survival, she doesnt care, and she's just so negative all the time. its so wrong, but no one can get thru to her, she doesnt give a damn whether she's hurting people who care about her, and i dont know what to do anymore. not that i could even talk to her in the first place, cos i'm not meant to know most of this crap. there are people genuinely ill too, caz being one of them :( o & we have the builders in tomorrow so that means i cant come home for the afternoon & watch my little britain video, damn, will have to try & do some revision instead, at least i'm not at work in the eve. some one out there pray for me, and please comment ppl, make me feel loved.