Wooo! we're back again. It sounds sad(pathetic) but i've missed being able 2 write my stuff in here. O what a nightmare week i've had, its been so confusing with becky, she started to talk to me a bit, then thurs night at GB i gave her a letter & it just made things worse even tho i didn't mean it to & we haven't spoken since, even tho i've given her a letter apologising loads. I feel really bad about what i've done to her & for betraying her trust & going behind her back & for allowing anything to happen with chris when i was supposedly getting over him. Charlie keeps trying to make me feel better by telling me it wasn't my fault, but it was, and as becky pointed out, i shouldn't have had chris round in the first place cos i wasn't comfortable with it. 'We all make mistakes' says Charlie, but how many of us do something so evil? but she reckons its partly becky's fault cos i liked chris first & then becky invaded but i'm not so sure whether it is or not. Charlie's been great sticking up for me & by me even tho she's also friends with becky. I do feel sorry for Caroline tho cos she's trying her best to help sort us both out & for us to be friends again, must be tough on her, but i've no doubt she can handle it; she's a tough lady, but i'm grateful for all the advice & encouragement she's giving me. Guess what becky was trying to do earlier? She was trying to make me jealous of the fact that she was waiting for a call from caroline, but hah i'm not bothered, i'm not that pathetic any more, i used to be, but not now. I thinks she doesn't want to be my friend, ok i can understand that she feels she can't trust me at the moment cos of what i did & you can't have a friendship without trust, but some of the stuff she's apparently said to Charlie & then trying to brag about a phonecall, thats just slightly immature. As far as i'm concerned she can have chris, me & him are still supposedly friends but we haven't really spoken & i don't think its gonna last cos we don't really have anything in common & anyway he's trying to suck up to becky cos he feels really bad about what happened & he likes her. *sigh* why does life have to be so caotic?? I'm debating whether to go to Girls' Brigade on thursday night or not, i may just walk up there & sit on the grass behind the pub for the evening so that my mum won't know. Cos i don't deserve to be there; the GB law says 'A GB member will do her best to be loyal to company & church, to be honest, truthful, kind & helpful..' & i haven't done that, and it may be a good idea to stay away from becky, but then i have fun there (without becky) & caroline may phone home, then my mum would find out, i don't know, i guess i want to see caroline too, but not talk about this whole situation, i can't be bothered with it anymore & i don't know what to say either. Phew this is too long an entry, lol. I'm knackered & i don't suppose i'll sleep any better tonight, thats how bad i feel, i could not sleep last night cos i was crying & shaking & restless. I shall stop now, boring you all. Maybe if I was a perfect friend then none of this would have happened!