no one talks to me much.. and I am getting to wonder if I am the only one without a life and spend all my hours upon the internet..looking for friends who only care for my personality and not my looks..because as far as I am concerned.. I hate my looks.. people say I am cute looking and my voice is hot. but I preffer to hate myself.. the true reason i wear a hoodie is because I want to hide my looks from everone...hiding in the shadows along the walls...while you all are drifting and living your lives to the fullest ..I dont know...I think I am going crazy like my psychiatrist says... I am beginning to hear my name called everywhere..and its kind of freaking me out..because I dont want to end up like my brother jeremy...running away for a week because the voices in my head told me to... I dont want to have seazures.. I want to be normal..and I keep finding problems with life...I am having psychic connections with things..mostly music.. I will think of somthing and it will instantly after thinking of it...happen.. its gotten me worried that I wont be able to live normal anymore.. I am on the verge of commiting suicide.. I cant trust myself anymore.. if this keeps happening I dont know what to do. I wish I could make it all go away..become normal...be happy...its not going to happen though.. my friends say I am nice...I help others with their problems..because I used to have the ability to shove my problems aside and cast theirs into my way...proceeding theirs to demolish and leave them happy.. and I...I dont think I am able to push out my problems..they keep gathering... Im failing school...im seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist alot... I have family who is pushing in to get to know me..I have all these thoughts and feelings...and nothing to let them out with... because when I do try to let them out... I get confused and dont even remember the problem...leaving me worse than before... I dont know what to do.. I should leave this as a private entry...but I want people to know whats going on..and that if I am having my problems..they will understand... Im sick and tired of it.....