so my horse died the other day.. I felt so miserable.. I wanted to cry so badly, yet I couldnt even do it.. so I laid there in bed for a few hours and finally slept.. I felt so bad.. and I hurt so much.. I Loved that horse.. RIP: Memory.. ...and I dont even have a picture to remember her by.. ------------------- ..I want to get this out.. because basically.. its over with, and if you try to yell at me for it. I'll just ignore you.. I cut.. yes.. I did.. a few days ago, its healed and gone now. Said "BROKEN"..all away across my chest.. in really large bold letters.. Broken.. .. and guess what?.. for once I have a crush.. It fucking sucks.. wanna know why? I'll tell you why. Even if you dont wanna know why. 1) This boy flirts with everyone, He'll go up and kiss one person, and then the next minute he'd go and kiss another. 2) he doesnt want a relationship.. I told him that I liked him and all.. but he goes "Im scared.. I dont want a relationship"..so I had to Lie.. and say that I wasnt refering to one.. I just wanted to let him know.. yeah.. and 3) I Think Colin likes me, and it depresses him when I Kiss Tyler.. so yeah.. I mean.. Tyler says he likes me.. but how many people does he like?.. It just makes me cry.. literally. I did... I dunno.. I want to die.. Like usual. I finally noticed why I wont kill myself. It isnt cause im afraid or anything.. I guess its cause the friends I do have.. If I didnt have any of them anymore.. I'd be gone.. Unfortunately Im still here.. and miserable.. .. jeremy made fun of me today.. but he always does.. I was on the verge of tears.. yet he wont even know.. ..heh.. My lifes so fucked up.. -Matti