What else is there to do at one in the morning? I mean this past week has been fucking hell for me in the first place, but now being haunted in my sleep by the things that are in the real world just isn't cutting out for me. I once had a SitDiary, you know, sitdiary.net? Yeah, I wanted to rejoin but I couldn't find the "join" button, nor could I remember my password to my old account. For the past two hours I've been on search engines from google, to yahoo, to msn, to dogpile and more, Just looking for a decent diary hosting site that would allow me to just type a damn entry without complications. Live Journal was too hard, DeathJournal wanted money, and there were web based services that actually requested me to get new email addresses because they don't support yahoo, MSN, and AOL email accounts. What?... What the fuck. There were also plenty of diary sites that wouldn't allow profanity, and as you can see already, I wasn't going to attempt that one. I'm just settling down with this for now, Get a few things out of my head and allow me to calm down a little bit perhaps explain myself or something? I dunno, in my last one I took surveys assuming that people would understand me better, but I technically don't really want people reading this, at least people I know anyway. I'm seventeen. I’m male, of course. I live in Florida, which occasionally isn't as bad as people make it out to be. I mean knowing that you're the only one in the county that still has all their teeth has the perks for life. Slightly makes you feel like Jesus Christ himself, and not only that, I took my GED predictor test the other day to determine if I COULD take the GED. Which, I find quite redundant to take a test to find out if you can take a test. ... Ass. Honestly I would of rather taken the literal test and then found out I failed to study for it and understand what will happen on the real test. I mean, either way if you fail the predictor test, its not like you get to go take the GED anyway, you have to take classes. Which is exactly what my brother is doing, He didn't score high enough on the predictor test so now he is having to take these classes so that he CAN pass the GED test. That fails. I on the other hand was told I've gotten the highest score they've seen in the town on the predictor test alone. I wanted to feel like I was complimented, but honestly, If you've seen the town. Even the mayor is illiterate. Plus the city is in horrible shape as well, they've spent the last two years trying to widen the only main road in town, so therefore its making the city lack even more, since they've cleared out all the wood. I laugh at how pathetic it looks when I hit the only intersection in town and all you see is dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, CVS store, dirt, dirt, dirt. ...I hope you grasp the concept. Anyway, I think this is grand that I've started a new journal so early after I moved. You see, I used to live here in this town, and then I moved away to another, Larger city for two years about four years back, and of course I was on the horrible side of town so it wasn't much different from the people, there was just a larger amount of retards then here. and after that I moved out of my moms house and into my brothers house all the way at the capital of Florida, Tallahassee. Yes, now if you want to see drunk people at four in the afternoon pissing off buildings and having people yell clown at every passerby, then that is perfectly your city. I wasn't particularly against Tallahassee, but I was basically forced to leave. My brother’s rule was in high school I had to make a C average, and seeing how I was doing so well I don't understand how I possibly got an F in English 3 honors. Oh wait… Yes I do. I hated that teacher, with a fucking passion; if I could I would mail him anthrax, sarcastically of course. Watch the FBI is going to be all over this page in a heartbeat. Joy. Everyone’s had the teacher that doesn't like your opinions therefore he gives you bad credit for it? Yes, well that’s exactly who this teacher was. I would confront the counselor about his misgrading on assignments that I found were much higher then a D, and in response he would defend him with, "he grades at a college based level". Bitch slap. Honestly, if I wanted a college based level of grading I would be in college already. Did they honestly think that I was going to be able to receive an F on my report card and walk away with it easily? I think not. The last day I was there I made it total hell for the school. It was their fault after all, I tried getting into a regular English class so that way my brother wouldn't kick me out but none-the-less they insisted that I waited the semester, and seeing how I had till the END of the semester, I decided to just stop going to class and allow failure to take its place. I slowly gathered a plan to move out into a friends house and stay there, live off of them and get a job working somewhere in the mall so that way I would have an income and hopefully begin to provide for myself. My friend’s father is petrified of people. No, honestly, he is. He despises people with a passion. Bring up a subject of someone coming over and he'll strike a fit or he'll run to his room. Not only that, but he's monotoned. Try arguing with someone monotoned. It’s like loosing a battle to a loaf of bread. You just feel so stupid to even attempt it, not only that but I constantly feel like he's going to break out with, "with dry eyes" from the commercials. Eventually I wasn't physically able to live off of them, and luckily I stayed with them only a few nights so that way I didn't feel extremely guilty for being a succubus for too long. my mom and I had talked for a good two weeks, calling back and forth, running up my brothers cell phone plan because he's an asshole, and got to thinking about if I moved back in with her that she would allow me to stay with her for free, drop out and get my GED, and then get my high school diploma because I passed the Florida standardized testing, Thus making me perfectly capable of going to college to major in art like I've always wanted. and seeing how I'm going for my AA I'm going to have to deal with more asshole teachers that I'll need to get addresses for as well. The last day of school I decided to write completely rude notes to the two people I hated the most. And, of course seeing how I like to make scenes where ever I go, I technically didn't give the notes to them. Instead I gave a million copies to everyone else and had it get to them by the end of the day, I of course not caring if the office would catch me, since it was my last day and I didn't really do anything that day anyway except skip and talk to my mom on the phone. People were constantly trying not to cry around me because they would 'miss me' however I didn't have the heart to tell them I couldn't return the favor. I didn't know how good my mischievous plan with the notes were until the little Asian that one of the notes were directed to, slammed into the portable that a few classmates and I were in playing DDR for our "field day". She stood in front of the television set so that way we no longer could play until she moved, And even though she was short, the television was Just out of reach of seeing fully due to her whole "awesomeness" of hair. She began to recite the note that I had taken ten minutes before school to write and print a million copies. And of course If I still had a copy I would completely paste it in here for you to read how rude and evil it was, however I do not. Therefore you will have to suffer with this fact and just understand it made her cry, like everything does. She sits there, and recites, her boyfriend with buck teeth standing behind her, her eyes red, apparently this had offended her, and it was so complicated for me to keep a straight face. They all knew it was me whether or not If I had stood up and bowed as if taking the complete note as a compliment. I'd sit there and watch everyone clap for me while she recites my work to the world, because of course, only a limited amount of people liked her, behind her back that is. There were plenty of people who were nice to her face and would complain behind her back about her, I just didn't feel like attempting friends with her. I just find it completely hilarious that in the middle of her recital. A girl in the back lifts up her index finger as to pause her for a moment, and begins to speak, "umm if you don't mind, we have a game to be playing". that killed me, as Holden Caulfield would say. It was completely obvious to her that no one in the room, neither in the world cared about her existence, so she stomped off out of the room. of course you're probably wondering why I don't like this girl and why I would do such a horrible thing to her. Well of course, I really don't. I mean she hasn't technically done anything to me, I'm just an asshole. a few days before, I was sitting with a pretty cool kid chatting it up when she comes over, and at that time we were on the topic of Puerto Ricans or something. Her automatic response was, "I Hate them I fucking hate them I'm racist against them", and of course me not being racist against anything except Anime, took it offensively. I'm not even remotely Puerto Rican, to be precise. I'm of Irish decent. You know the whole red hair freckles ordeal. Well, that’s what I'm "Suppose" to have. I dye my hair constantly, and some how the freckles on my face faded away however I still have them on my arms, and I'm still paler then Michael Jackson. Anyway, and not only is it because she's racist, she also despises labels. What. The. Fuck. Okay, I understand the new statement to be 'cool' is to hate labeling and only label yourself as 'yourself'. but technically, if you flaunt yourself about going, "I'm a cool scene kid" "I love being Asian" and "I can play DDR better than you".. that pretty much sums her up for Labeling extreme. Last year in Health class, She classified herself as, "the coolest kid in school", and I felt slightly bad her. No I didn't. I'm lying. I actually wanted to smack her, really hard too, like a brick against her fat ass head. Only because she assumed that she was better then everyone else due to her short stature, Asian eyes, and speedy legs. And I've come to a conclusion that she is from a different species and she isn't really human at all. At one point in time the humans hunted girls like her through the forest for food and clothing. Using her black hair with streaks of blonde, for no natural purpose but to look cool and wear them on our humanic boots. Her eyes are Asian like so that when she is running away from the human beings in the forest the reeds and sticks and branches don't stab her. She's short so she can duck beneath things with an extravagant agility, and her short DDR sense only allows her to run through the forest pounding loudly in a rhythmic pattern to alert her others in fear that they will be captured and used for shoes as well. I honestly don’t even think she’s Asian. I just think she only lives up to the roll because her eyes and short stature. I’d feel bad if she was actually Asian. For the Asians that is. I still haven't mastered what her loud mouth is for though... Back to that day, The principal had found out about the notes and the directions were beginning to lead to me, and seeing how the Number one rule at our school was, 'No Put Downs', it was a pretty big deal. Seriously, people get kicked out of that school for calling other people, "Jews" and shit. try walking around with a sarcastic sense and having people look at you like you just killed their cat. so the principal draws me towards her to have a chitchat. and of course we're talking it up about the notes I had randomly places in everyone’s hands all day and she asks me, "was it you?" "No" I'm such a liar. She asks me again, "if you're lying you should tell me the truth, was it really you cause these girls believe it was you." and once again, "no.. I wouldn't do anything like that to someone" god I love my life. it went on like that for the next five minutes before the bell rang and I left school for the last time, Never to return. oh the other girl? yeah well about her, Reliable sources told me that they saw her crying on someone’s shoulder really effing hard, Which made my day much better, because, she deserved it much worse then the Asian species. I'll explain her situation another time. Trust me it’s a reoccurring pattern of hatred towards her. I've been typing for a good hour now, and feel slightly pleased with myself. I have much more to write so I'll keep going. As I told you before, I have lived in this little town before, and I lived here for a good while, till the end of middle school and then I left, so I had built my friendships then and I still have most of them. I see my old friends quite often, and it only makes it easier on me to know that all of them live in the same house together. It’s like six or seven people living in a four bedroom house, and its funny how everyone there except one guy is bisexual, which I find to be extremely hilarious. Seeing how I'm gay, the only bisexual male hit on me for a good four hours before we established that we were going to have sex that night, and at the last minutes when he was running his fingers up under my shirt he changed his mind. Wanna know why? I'll tell you for enlightenment. See, this boy has a girlfriend, and of course she asked him earlier that day, "Do you want to have sex with Matti? Because, you can, I'll let you" And he was confused but was completely allowing that to take place since she was a virgin and wasn't going to give her vag up to him so soon. but a guilt trip hit him and he didn't want to hurt her. And me being the caring person I am, told him it was alright. We still slept in the same bed though. Only because another guy, a twenty two year old, decided to start snoring on the couch in the living room and boy didn't want me to have to deal with that. I told him it was fine and that I've dealt with people worse then the snorer but boy insisted that I slept in the bed with him which I think was the worse move he could have ever made. He told me pretty much a good amount of secrets of his and told me not to tell anyone, and since I liked boy ALOT, I wasn't going to. Till yesterday when he called me annoying and started being a complete ass to me for no reason. So I told everyone his secrets. His girlfriend cried. I felt slightly bad and tried comforting her. However it didn't make things better. Boy doesn't know now that everyone he lives with knows he's sucked a really ugly guys dick. I love drama. Now that I've explained enough to you to understand where I'm coming from then I can tell you why I've not been sleeping well and having reoccurring dreams. See, when boy was hitting on me I really started liking him, a lot, because he's pretty fucking hot if you ask me. And seeing how I've been single for a good two months I really wanted some quality time with a male encounter and I was hoping it was him since we had established the whole sex thing. You could tell he wanted to have sex with me, the way he looked at me like questioning himself, "can I fit that in my mouth?" I merely adore the boy for his beauty, and I really, really wanted to do things with him that are unspeakable but, ever since that night he's either avoided me or been extremely rude to me which my friends that I've known since middle school won't allow him to do. There’s this girl who lives there that I've known in middle school and until yesterday didn't know she was in my elementary school class either. She’s really bitchy, no really. Everything just rubs her the wrong way. Like you accidentally put a needle in your good loofa and touched yourself with it. Like that. Everything makes her pissed, she's got wicked taste in music, but god damn, if you told her she was the prettiest girl on earth she'd kill you. I actually envy her, because she seems independent as a person. I really do admire her independence. I wish I was more like her, seeing how I doubt she's a flaw with boys as I am. She still is rather bitchy and lemme tell you something, the night that boy was hitting on me, was the night that bitchy decided to do her best. See I'm a REALLY sarcastic person, and so even my flirting is sarcastic, so I tend to always say things I don't mean in the actual understanding that they know I don't mean it. Well, she didn't pick up and threatened to beat the shit out of me all because I wanted to "smack" boy. That wasn't the coolest moment ever, so I just walked away as if I was turned down for a milkshake at McDonalds due to bad credit. But my fucking god… Boy’s got some beautiful eyes.