no one talks much anymore. James has kind of been helping me with my cutting, and scott really hasnt talked. I love them both. and I dont know what to do, I mean. they both do drugs which I dislike alot. they dont know that it makes me more depressed than I already am.. I now have 13 cuts upon my arm. and two from being last nights. I promised james I wouldnt cut the rest of the night, and I broke that promise.. not like anyone really cared in the first place..Thats how I truely feel. I dont believe anyone. yet I trust them... its an awkward feeling. but I dont seem to really care much about it. I think I am at the stage where to cut again. because the only things I want to listen to at this moment is my downloaded depressing music. oh well.. if I cut again. it will be just another collection upon my arm to have. and to allow my friends to finally disown me and I wont be needed anymore. My mom has been a real bitch lately to me. she thinks that painting my fingernails black is so "femanine" but I honestly dont care. IM GAY.. I can be as femanine as I prefer. be glad I dont have the damn accent and want to strut down the road in a thong. the most I do that is femanine is paint my nails and my little outburst for cute things. but thats about it. "mother" wanted to get rid of our dog la contessa bianca..aka Tessa... but I told her she wouldnt.. I care too much about my dogs to allow her to take one away.. her remark was "If she isnt here to breed to have puppies and sell then she dont need to be here" I got furious. I wont allow a hoe to disruin my life more than it already is. I love all the animals I have.. Including the damn birds that had 4 eggs... and their evilness.. I wouldnt ever be cruel enough to an animal to take it away from me.. they practically are my life.. and I consider myself and all of humanity animals... so she shouldnt talk... she also said that my biological father is an ass.. which I agree'd with in the past... Ive never met him so I have no clue.. but I heard he wanted me aborted and abused my mom... I bet she needed it anyway... but.. from what my aunt Kimi said.. he is changing his past and wanting to become a christian minister.. I may not be christian.. but.. Im pretty proud of my father if he is willing to do that.. and he is considered a stranger to me... I dont know him and I feel more connected to him than my own brothers.. I would consider living with him... but I dont know what he would think of me and my cutting.. my witchcraft.. and my obssession to be gay.. I dont know.. but its just a thought I shall add to my ming.... If anyone actually did read this.. thanks.. and leave a comment.