okay so I went to the bathroom after school right?.. and then I was reading the wall and guess what I saw. "people who should drop dead".. at first I didnt care much about it but I started reading it. "hippies" "Punk gothic kids" and then I saw "Matti" of course it was spelt with a Y, but Im the only matti at this school with T's in my name except D's.. so that got me depressive.. I really didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day. I just kind of.. sulked for a little. Then there was yesterday after the public library yesterday matt and I started walking and I just go. "I really dont wanna walk home today.." so I called jeremy and asked him and he goes "Nope no way unless you call up jerrid and ask him." so I did and jerrid started talking to me. "So Matti.. Uhh Did you call jeremy and ask him to pick you up?" and I responded. " yeah.. He told me he couldn't and that I should call you and ask. He didn't say that you would,but to just ask nicely". and he goes. "Oh Okay.. Did you ask Tom?" and I replied. "I asked jeremy cause I figured that tom was with him". he goes "oh.. okay cause Tom kind of doesn't like you asking him to do stuff".. and that made me feel bad. Also made me feel mad because he never seemed to have a problem with it and I never really ask anyone for anything. and it kind of got me to the point. not only am I talking to tom, Im avoiding him at all costs. I really want out of this house. Like.. now. I want to commit suicide.. not only to get myself out of the world.but to put guilt on everyone who hurt me. I feel they deserve a death on their part.. i literally do. At first today was going okay. In Caruchas class we watched the beginning to Oh Brother Where art thou. Its actually really good,I recognized it but didn't tie the name to the movie together. the whole time I sat next to that cute guy, you know the one I was talking about a while ago? and this time, he actually talked to me. we ACTUALLY talked.. Like he was singing and I dont remember how we started talking but somehow i got offended (jokingly of course) and this is how our conversation went. Matti: I hatechu Him: no you dont. Matti: why not? Him: Because you just dont. Matti: Well.. I can hate you if I want to. Him: You could. but you dont. Matti: Well how do you know if I hate you or not? Him: I can just tell. He kept smiling at me, and I kept looking into his eyes cause they were pretty.. I dunno I really liked them.. so yeah. Ive gotta get off. Librarian just said I cant write in my diary at school and read my last entry. -Matti