There are certain times, and certain reasons why you always want to avoid certain dreams. If you don’t understand what I’m saying then this is not the chapter for you. Last night I had a dream that I slowly barged into Boy’s room to find him having sex with Kid. I was stunned, I was afraid, I cried. I ended up barging out of the room like someone had just hung my dog, and I started to walk down the street and to this little area that I have found comfort in every time I walk away from the house that no one else knows the discoveries of, or better yet, don’t care. I had sat at that area for a good hour or two on Halloween night, so it was a small bond, my spot and I. Then I woke up utterly miserable. This isn’t the only time I have had a dream like this. I was back with one of my ex boyfriends a good year to two years back, and I was laying with him, we got into a weird argument about who knows what, and then suddenly I was all the way across the house. People were pushing me to go see him, to go make him feel better, that he was upset and I was the only one who could make him feel better. So I did, and it wasn’t me who was making him feel better, it was a boy having sex with him in his bed, and I yelled and yelled and yet I couldn’t get them to stop nor could I do anything about it. I don’t think it’s a fluke that boys I like tend to have sex dreams with OTHER guys in my dreams. That’s pretty fucked up. I’ll write more after the day is over like usual. CONTINUED Nothing went on today, seriously. I went around the house for quite some time. Text messaged Innocent a million times. She got fingered for her first time so she was feeling like a complete whore, even though compared to me, and everyone else in a seventy five mile radius, she’s the only virgin that I know of. Except Kid, I found out he was a virgin, which wasn’t the coolest thing ever, since I really am a very sexual person, and I hate taking peoples virginity. It gives me a feeling like I’m a horrible person and introducing them to a lot of this that you shouldn’t introduce people to. I talked to Kid for quite some time last night, good three or four hours or so. At first I was hitting on him and trying to get him to like me, because he just broke up with his girlfriend. Then my phone died, and I started talking to him online. We were joking around and then he goes with, “I don’t know what I want?” “What do you mean?” I typed back. “Like, I don’t know what I want relationship wise, whether or not I want a guy or a girl, you know.” “You said you liked girls more..” “But, I’m still attracted to guys” and at that moment, I felt like I didn’t want him anymore, and that I was only using him. I felt like utter shit. I don’t know whether or not its because I rarely see him and I don’t get to know him physically as I do emotionally, or what. I just know that I didn’t want to hit on him anymore, and all I could think of was Boy. And it pissed me off so fucking much because I want a boyfriend, and I really wanted Boy, and then I wanted Kid, and they were both taken, and finally when Kid becomes single, I don’t want him anymore. Why the fuck am I doing this? Shouldn’t it be simple for me to just like him? He’s not a horrible person, he talks to me often. I dunno, I guess it’s the fact that Innocent told me to be careful around him since her one friend once dated him. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know how I would be able to communicate with a virgin. And I’ve dated a few virgins, but they just, didn’t seem like virgins, and thinking about it, Kid does. Fucking god, Why does life have to be so goddamn complicated?