I just want to go back into hiding. back away from everyone and everything. before they knew I was gay. before i had a boyfriend who took my virginity. Away from chris. away from everyone. day by day I feel like crying. Im in so much pain. yet the only one who seems to care for me lives hours southern of here. My ex told me, he never wanted me to talk to him again. you will never understand the pain in that. I fell in love with him. Gave him my life. my virginity, my soul. then he told me he never loved guys anymore. I thought about killing myself. slitting my wrists. hanging myself. wondering if he would notice. if he would care. if he would even just shed one tear. a few weeks before school had started. He told me, there was the slighest possibility of us getting back together. I would of given anything to live my life with him again...not anymore. School started. The last time I heard of him was a few days before. He hasnt spoken to me since. but today. changed it all. I would see him in the halls before school. and would want to break down and cry. Infront of him. perhaps he would see my pain. perhaps he would pick me up, and be there for me again. He never spoken a word to me. Making me feel worse.. Then he exceeds to talk to my friends. You will never understand the pain in seeing the one you loved, held, fucked..Hugging your friends..giving them backrubs...infront of my face. He noticed what he was doing. tearing the sheds left of my heart into burt ash. Today, he told me he never wanted to speak to me again. I needed to move on and forget about him. because he has already forgotten about me. He wanted me out of his life.so, I will give it to him.. never again will he hear my voice. for I wont speak anymore. I would speak to another soul. I am to become this thing called a mute. and leave my sorrowing whines in the dark... again.... he may call me a drama queen, as he had did once before. but he wont understand whats beneath it all. If YOU try to change my goal. I assure you I will disown you. and cast you out of my life. as I did with my own voice. Thank You alot, Chistopher Michael Solitro