Sylvia brought somthing to my attention...and triggered depression...I hate it when I am depressed..for I cry and get a head ache...and just wish I could get better...My eyes are still a little wet and are burning..and I just took my pill hoping it will help.... She told me Chris was just playing me... I want to not believe that...and I dont think I will believe he is... But just the thought of it makes me depressed... Whats weird that I never really like talking about is...I always seem to have thoughts of...what would happened if this person died... and.. It was Chris is one point...and...I just sat there and cried until I couldnt cry no more..Because I hate getting thoughts like them..but I cant stop them because nothing else seems to come to mind... My pillow seemed to get soaked when I thought that...I hope I will never think it again..and if I do...I dont know...I will just get depressed...because I love him so much...I would never want him hurt... Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, None... Thats why Im going to stop being so selfish.. and just let him choose things... Im to the point that... whatever he does.. I will be right beside him...even if it is hurt me... I want him happy...not hurt.... Im going to go.....talk later...... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I cant sleep, its eleven, I have a head ache, and I am shivering.. I kept crying... and I asked myself why... I know Im loved. and everything...but I found myself answering it diffrently Im wanting the one I love most to come to me, and just hold me, Never letting me go. Making me important, showing me that I am important to them. and not just admired from far away... I want to be protected, and taken away from all this depression... ...but...it wont happen since...when ever I am searching for my knight in shining armour to fly by...he is never there....when I am sitting, crying.. wanting to be held by him... he's never there... for... its becoming weeks since Ive been held by this Knight. for he also has another love, that he must pay attention to... I just ask is to be shown that I am loved... just a day's worth... for..my memory has forgotten all in the past...and must be updated...so I will be happy once again....