I am pissed upon myself.. I hate and anguish myself no matter what soul to cross my path says in fury against my judgement. I know myself more than any other person shall. and I know that I am an evil just hurting and making others agrivated themselves. I have Allowed Justin to hate me for my actions upon my depression. and now he is in utter silence to that subject. he will just leave the distinct words that he doesnt want to hear it anymore. I am tired of being this quite unfair person who allows myself to ruin others high spirits and place my own pain into their life, probably to make myself the world of their. to make them think of me constantly and to worry and to just get rid of their own life and place it with mine. I should stop before I hurt anymore. Justin being one of my closest friends upon any other. and I hurt him. I apologize constantly for my mistakes. and I know he doesnt take them and in return say tis okay. when he knows its not because I will end back into that same apology many times over. And as I have been depressed all of the hours I have been awake and conscience. and I am beginning to think pills are the best for myself. even though I am Anti-pill.. but there is no other way to ease my pain and allow the others back into my life being certain I wouldnt hurt them.. but I dont know... a long time ago I had voice issues.. and they are gone finally.. and well.. I dont know.. I probably need to shed my tears for this one.. I grabbed my knife and placed it in my book bag.. just incase if I needed it here in interlachen.. I hope I dont have to stoop to that level.. but I am begining to agree that it twas a good Idea to tail it along.. and I am practically learching myself forward to it.. I am resisting with all might.. and hope I dont go there.. but I have nothing else to say about this topic. so I shall leave it here and call it a mid nights end!