why the fuck did I give him up?.. I want him back so badly.. I want to be back in his arms.. I want to hear him say I love you.. I want him.. . what can a wife do that I cant?.. except produce children?... if he loved me so much.. wouldnt adopted children be just as good?.. would'nt it not matter?... dont I matter?.. Im hurting so much.. I seriously am.. I havent really let anyone touch me for the last few days.. Ive kept myself away from people.. Im going on spree's where I eat ALOT, and then dont eat anything at all.. and I keep rubbing my wrists with my fingers.. wishing.. wishing so badly.. I scared Kenny away from my diary..he read one entry, Read the Titles, and Didnt want to see anymore.. so yeah.. I want to be happy.. why the fuck cant I be happy?... I just want to be happy.. -Matti