Its been a while, Has it not... I have so much to update on... Ive shorten these so I wouldnt waste so much time... I went to chris's, and everyone was having this fib Jessica wanted Her husband, Jesse, and Billy, Chris's older brother, to fight. when Jesse came over, Jessica told him not to talk to billy.. and then this is what happens, Jesse wants to know why, and apparently a whole thing goes on. After Jesse and Jessica leave, everyone was saying the fib and all. I kept my mouth shut. Chris ignored me the whole time I was there, and finally when he does pay attention to me, he wants me in the pool, in the last shirt I had, so I wasnt wanting to go in... and then he tries throwing me in.. I fall on the ground, soaked with water and dirt, and I run off, just to around the block, and I stopped at jessica's, told her what everyone was talking about and she yelled at donna for the whole thing..Donna is Chris's mother. and then later I went back to chris's, no one knew I went to jessica's... they just knew I left... then chris wouldnt talk to me but was pissed at me.. severely, he dragged me to the back yard and told me all we do is fight..... and he doesnt understand is that most of the fights are always because he ignores me and he pays attention to his girlfriend.....I constantly see them kissing, and I cant do anything... I just sit there. I go home.. and later that night, donna finds it was me telling jessica what I told her, and she wasnt yelling at me, but she should of.. I felt really bad and sorry, but all i did was nod and agree. Next day we all were re-invited back over to Chris's house. me and Jessica sat in the back talking about how jesse was ignoring her and all.... and I just watched her download ring tones... Chris yells to me that donna wanted me, apparently I had to go because Teresa lied and said we were talking about her behind her back... I grabbed my shoes and left Later I got my friend to call chris and all, because all he does is ignore me, he told her that I need to be more open about the fact of him being BI instead of gay,... when he needs to understand, there is a HUGE ASS LINE between Acceptance, and Ignoring all together...... He would Ignore me... not say a damn sentence to me.. unless getting me to do work.. I didnt mind working.. its just.. he never just came up to me and said "I Love you"... no.. istead... he would have his tongue down his girlfriends mouth!.. when he see's her twenty four-Seven.. I mean.. She Sleeps In His Fucking Bed For Goddess's Sake!!!....and yet I cant even talk to him.....I come to find it that, his family is NOT ACCEPTING to me and him, so I cant even make conversation with him anymore!... you know how much that hurts?..you dont....I have to fucking watch him kiss him girlfriend and I cant even say "Hi"...... Finally he calls me and we settle it. he is to spend a day with me and me only on saturday.... One day I go to Jessica's house and help baby sit with her and her sister, four children, two are jessica's and two are her sisters, We decide to go to KMart and we take along Jessica's daughter, and both of Her sister's daughter... we get there, and lets just say, its hard to keep the kids with the parents.. and finally Jessica's daughter's diaper drops on the floor. her sister kicks it under the clothing rack.. and we thought it was funny and nothing important.... me and the kids were getting behind.. so I picked up the little one who dropped the diaper and tried hurring up.. attempting to keep her dress down... Jessica looks back and tells me to hold her on my him so no one can look up her dress... so I do so.. and she said a comment that I forgot...but it was disturbing..... later that night I was trying to keep the kids away from the bathroom because their parents were dying their hair.. and I didnt want them making a mess... and Jessica's sister's eldest daughter is kind of a little rude.. so I moved her into the living room and layed her on the ground and told her she cant go in there... she attempted using her hands against me.. so I held them.. and she attempted to kick.. so I sat on her legs.. them she tried screaming... so I put my hand infront of her mouth... and as all little kids do.. they lick your hand... so I took a sheet and held her mouth.. apparently it was a big deal what i was doing... For now chris broke up with me because I am so called a "Pedifile" and "Child Abuser"... he broke up with me because that I was being stricked on the kids and not allowing them to tear down the damn house.... He left the break up on the answering machine.. where my mother and Dale were there both to hear..... I was so damn depressed.. I run to my room, lock the door, and attempt to cry it away... but Im so damn depressed I cant even cry.... Today, Ive been made to go with my mom to the store.. she didnt want me doing anything suicidal...so I was made to go.. I dressed in my hoodie and my pants (lately I wasnt wearing my hoodie....but after the break up....its back to it)....Chris is still suppose to come over tommorow...my mother knows...but she said If I get turned up....I dont know what she is going to do. but she made it seem as if a threat to chris or someone... I dont know......but... I still cant hate him or not be in love with him as much as he's done I want to cut tonight.. I may do it.. I dont know... but if I do.. I dont care what anyone says... Im used to the people who left me cause of it... and as Chris said "You Need To Accept Me For Who I Am"