I hope you know that I havent been putting dead as my feeling for the last few entries to amuse you... its actually how I feel.. I feel useless.. unimportant.. not wanted. I had another dream last night. This time it was Matt, His sister Marisa, and I in a car. The dad got out to pump gas. and Marisa pulled herself in the drivers seat and started driving. I didnt have to ask, I assumed she was going to align the car up, but instead of backing up, she drove around the store, getting faster and faster, till finally she starts laughing and not payying attendion to the truck that was ahead of her. a Man standing there pumping gas. And she hit the truck, the truck bolted away at the impact. and the man started screaming.. then I woke up to hear Matts dad and his girlfriend in a small arguement that got resolved quickly. I really really dont want to be here at school.. I want to be in bed. talking to no one. I played hacky sack with a few people, Im slowly progressing to become good at it. I dont care though.. nothing matters to me. cept him anyway. do I even have to say his name?.. I have been talking about him forever.. its just.. Everythings so perfect about him.. I love the way he'd wink at me.. and the way he was always so warm.. and how cute he looked when he woke up.. and how soft his lips were.. watch, ima start crying in class.. all because I gave him up. he still hasnt responded.. im starting to loose hope. not like I should have any to begin with. cause the dizziness everytime I see his picture and such, is getting worse. and I dont know what to do. Except want him. and want him to want me. I keep thinking about that dream... not the one with Matt and marisa, but the one of him. And its scaring me.. I want to die thinking about it. I dont feel safe writing in class.. I'll write more later. -Matti ---------------------- okay. so after school now. Theres fifteen minutes until Matt leaves, and then as soon as he leaves then I go home. wewt. then Later, Before Nine, Im going to call dominic, cause I heard a message going back to second period, and read a message he left. I was really really happy. Like, Grinning happy. for once. and thats really really rare for me now a days. Since the leave :(.. So yeah.. I have nothing more to say for now so Im going to go and Finish this up later... -Matti