Two days ago I got to see my boyfriend in a long time...he kissed me..I missed that kiss.. three times he kissed me...but yesterday. I gave him the song I had to burn for him and he couldnt kiss me... for confidential reasons..but..either way...he couldnt kiss me.. i wish he could..but...nope... he told me he would bring collar's for the dogs later..and I waited for him till eleven last night...but he never showed... Today..he is back at his brother's place fixing it up...while Im here alone..no one to talk to...about to cry..because of thoughts I make...I dont mean to make thoughts...but all night..I waited for him...and a thought came in about him being with his girlfriend...and everything.....I cried so much...I hate my thoughts...I wish they would go away... I literally cried so much...my eyes burned...and I could hardly breath.. and there were water stains all across my pillow... Im hoping for the day we can have alone together...but things seem to happen so we cant...and...it hurts most.. recall the last few entries...about that knight in shining armour...well...I hope with all my heart, that the kight is chris... but...everytime Im the most depressed...I am hoping with all my heart chris will come and save me...yet it never happens..and it makes me hurt far worse than it did before... am I too dependant as a boyfriend?...I just want to feel like Im loved by the one I love most..he constantly tells me he loves me..and in the past...he has made my life happy..although it never shows...but when he pays attention to me...he's making all my pain evaporate off of me..and out away... I dont know...I am too dependant...Im stupid..