Okay so this part is from a bulletin I posted and I really thought it was more of a diary entry then anything and had to add it in.. ---------- My spring break was... HORRIBLE! EFFING HORRIBLE! I'll tell you it all day by day okay? Okay. So Saturday Morning I leave REALLLLLY early to go to megans and we get to go skating for her birthday. I *heart* Skating more then Life itself. Its my new favorite thing. and I do it CONSTANTLY. So I get a Small Blister on my foot, No big deal, the place was cool, we leave early, We got to rock climb before we left, On the way down I scrapped my knee a lil, Whatever. I was fine. We get home there's a lil bit of fighting between megan and her dad, and that was all, I don't even remember the fight but all I remember is that they were and it was agrivating, I was completely full of food I felt like throwing up and people insisted on me eating some of megans cake, so I did. Not alot though. I went home that night and I was to go to brandons house in the morning, MONDAY: well instead of going in the morning mom finally takes me at like five or six in the afternoon, I get there and he's not there. So brandons grandma decides to drive me to justins house where he is at. On the way there we see Amanda, Brandon's girlfriend, walking down the street alone, Brandon's grandma decides to stop and turn around, and she lets me off there, Amanda says that everyone's heading to Ryans house but everyone was behind, I asked why she was upset. "brandon was drinking this morning".. I hate it when brandon drinks. We get there, I refuse to talk to brandon, all this stuff, Everyone who is over is Wes, Doug, Ryan, Brandon, Amanda, Her friend Heather, and Me. We're all in Ryans back two story shed doing whatever. Finally the girls have to leave, and It just leaves the guys, Everyone passes out. Tuesday, Brandon decides to bring over alcohol. yaay.. (sarcasm).. Doug, Wes, and brandon get drunk as fuck. Wes is okay drunk cause he's such a dumbass that you can't help but laugh at him. Doug is quiet and doesn't say SHIT when drunk, but brandon is a complete asshole. I caught Brandon and Wes Making out, for like a half an hour. Then They're trying to make out with me. Brandon: MATTI MAKE OUT WITH ME. Matti: no. Brandon: Why?? Matti: because you're drunk, and you have a girlfriend. Brandon: I'm Not Drunk Dude! Matti: YES THE FUCK YOU ARE! Brandon: *laughs* No dude.. Matti: You have a fucking girlfriend. Brandon: So? I don't care about her. Matti: I'm Not kissing you. So Wes Comes up. Wes: Matti, How about you Kiss me? Matti: You're Drunk Too! Wes: Yeah But I'm Single! Matti: Later, when you sober, If you remember. Unfortunately he remembered so I made out with him for a second. I did'nt really talk to brandon much anymore then that. Later We heard the police were coming and Wes and Doug Left, The Police came asking for them. everyone basically said they haven't seen them. I didn't say anything. Apparently they were runnaways and all that shit. They didn't come back that night, We caught up with them in the ditch, Chris Hit them like fuckers because he hates How he almost got people in trouble. Now to tell you, Chris is a BIG guy, not a fat guy, but a strong as fuck guy, the first time I met him he hated me. He wanted to beat the shit out of him because I was not saying anything. However He was fine with me because he found out I hated drugs and Alcohol as much as he did. He made me take a straightXedge swear to him. Matti: but I like sex. Chris:Do you like sex in relationships? or booty calls? Matti: I can only have sex in a relationship. Chris: then you can pledge straightXedge Matti: then I will. So everyone who is back at the house now is Brandon, Amanda (who comes back every fucking day) Heather? Ryan, Chris, His brother (who's gay) and I. Me and the gay guy (forgot his name, Won't date him) we're burning fire and all that shit to make amanda feel better ,because once again, brandon got in trouble by her, I had called her up earlier and told her that he made out with wes and he was drunk. Stupidly enough, brandon never got mad at me. However he did try to kill himself with a thumbtack to the neck and he didn't care that the whole time Im trying to hug him and keep him from doing this shit. So after that the girls once again went home, and Ryan, Brandon, and I went into the house. Brandon and I went to his house. We slept. Tuesday. I Assume this is the day Brandon and I went to Ryans house and then went to Justins house and hung out with him. This day wasn't as intense as anything however the night was. Everyone was over once again and we're all Once again in ryans shed. Im sleeping when I hear Rico and his friend Kevin walk in, Okay I don't know kevin. But as Soon as I saw him break out Cocaine and Snort it, I hated him. I left the room and didn't return till he left. Wednesday, This day was okay I guess I don't even remember it I just remember that brandon went home that Night and I stayed at ryans, Ryans mom found to like me, ALOT, I drew her a tattoo for her, and she chose from three choices, from then on Im allowed to raid her refrigerator and do whatever the hell I want at her house. I spend the night with ryan playing video games. Brandon comes back the next day saying that He stayed out till three in the morning with his friends terrorizing the neighborhood. I was getting to be really aggrivated from him and I didn't know why, probably because he was smoking like several packs of cigarettes a day and drinks alot. He had gotten drunk again once when heather was over and was asking heather to take a body shot from his stomache. Justin was over as well. No one would do it, and it was getting annoying that he was getting so fucking pissed over something so stupid, so I did it. It didn't make me drunk or anything because it was like.. a naval's sip of whatever it was, however it was disgusting, warm, and made your whole throat wanna throw up. I got a lil dizzy and light headed but I figured it was from something else since it was such a small dosage of Alcohol. Brandon cheers up, I flirt with him a lil, I start rubbing his sides because I knew he was ticklish, I ended up giving him a back massage, but like three times, We kissed, not like full throttle down right kissing but the first time he's all Brandon: Matti Kiss me pleeeaassee. Matti:.. no brandon.. Brandon: Pleaaassee Matti, See Heather wants to see it. Matti: does not. Brandon: Heather don't you wanna see it. Heather: yeah. Matti:.. fine, a small one. and it was a small one, later there was another from me, and I kissed his neck alot and heard him breathe deeply. then afterwards, a while he kissed me. and I felt horrible, completely horrible cause he had a girlfriend and I did that. I couldn't believe I did. However I wanted him to kiss me again, cause his lips were soft and warm. He ended up going home and hanging out with his friends, I didn't talk to him much, I was going to his house that night but on the verge of that I Got locked out from ryans and brandons house and had no where to go, So I was stuck in the rain for two hours before Ryans sister answers the door and ushers me in. Ryans Sister: OMG MATTI ARE YOU OKAY? Matti:yeah..can I stay here?.. Ryans Sister: OMG Yes.. Here.. Sit here I'll inform Mom. So I stayed there with ryan again, We again played video games. Thursday. I woke up with a HUGE ass headache, I asked ryan about it, he told me it couldn't of been a hangover, I wasn't even thinking that either, I then figured it must have been the crying in the rain for two hours that set me off. So I was sick. Ryan and I basically played games ALLLLLLLL day, no one came over. nothing. Friday We did the same. Saturday Rico and Scotty and Brandon and Amanda and Heather came over all for a party that was down the street at justins, I refused to go because I felt Like shit, I was still sick. I was getting better though. Everyone left for it except Scotty who decided to stay with me and watch Fantastic Four and the End of some other movie I actually thought scotty was cute and Liked him, but he's straight? I dunno, he did however stay with me and we joked about final fantasy 7 and its poor graphics but good gaming. We talked about him going to jail for his friend stealing shit from walmart and all sorts of shit, basically, it was good to have company that wasn't there constantly and since i hadn't seen him all week it was good I did get to see him. He then later left with rico and justin. Ryan came back home, apparently brandon had left the party over saying this Brandon: If Im Not Gonna Get Wasted, Im Not Staying. Thats the last time I heard of him that week. Scotty and justin ended up coming back because they couldn't spend the night. Sunday. We all slept in late, Ryan and I played games. Scotty came up with the Idea of going to the beach. Of course I would go if I wasn't going to be picked up by my mom today. So I told them to drop me off at ashleys who I haven't hung out with in forever. They drop me off. They didn't even wait till I went in the door before Leaving me, Luckily they WERE home or I would be in shit and I hung out with Ashley. I was tackled by her at the door, I hadn't seen her in forever, I left messages for my mom to pick me up here. She brought cam over, and we walked to the local park and played there. Then We were trying to hide from each other and I went to hide in the girls bathroom and the alarm to the elementary school went off, We ran. We went to the local store and got a rice crispies treat and then went back to the house. We started watching FOSTERS HOME FOR IMAGINARY FRIENDS <3333 like three episodes and then my mom picked me up, I said good bye, and Came home to Mom's bf's house. Mom: You'll go with dale in the morning to tallahassee. Matti: As long as I don't take a grayhound. Mom: nope, He'll drop you off at the house at five in the morning. Matti: jooooy. I told her again about this rash I had on my back since sunday of last week. and it had gotten worse and turned into sores. She talked to jeremy Jeremy: I don't want you bringing him here with a rash. Take him to a doctor. Monday. Mom takes me to the doctor. Doctor: Does it hurt when I do this. Matti: no.. Doctor: hrmm.. Then its not Shingles, I would of suspected it was but you would be jumping all over the table if it was. the rubbing of the shirt alone would make you wanna cry. Matti:... Mom: is it Contageous? Doctor:yeah for fourty-eight hours. Later when we got back in the car and went to wendys and got milkshakes <3 Matti: Im not going home yet? Mom: not for two days, Cause you're contageous for fourty-eight hours. Matti: HECKYES, I miss three more days then everyone elses spring break. -------------------- Besides all that I had stopped talking to matt and lexi all together because they have become extremely annoying to me, Everyone knows of this outcome. I deleted everyone off of my myspace friendslist and am only adding people back who can be mature enough for me to associate with. I skipped a week of school as well. I didn't go to school this week cause I had a rash on my back and so I missed the whole week. Mom's apparently picking me up and jeremy and tom are picking me up from her and then taking me back to tallahassee, I have to clean my room there to get my homework back (yay sarcasm). I spent my whole weekend in jacksonville as well. I spent the whole week In dales house, sleeping and attempting to remain on a slowly developed computer with barely legal dial-up.. It sucked ass. Now that I have a fast computer I'm able to update in here. Thursday Night I went to tabathas and hung out we all hung out last night with Jenny, and then Later went to Johnels because Joey was over there. And everyone remembers when Joey was all over me yet he didn't want anyone to know.. behind my back he made a comment like "I'm so glad I'm not gay"... ha.. I really hate hypocrites. then while I was in the trailer park I saw Jordan, she was doing fine. apparently she kept up with my existance Until my privatizing of my diary. which I prefer because now I know everything i write is mine and mine alone. 'cept for megan who wants to read it every now and again, but thats fine. So yesterday We all hung out with steven and his brother will, I honestly, think will is cute and really really like him from a perspective of how I only got to talk to him online and being in real life I finally did. at first he didn't talk much and tabby kept annoying me by this. Matti: c'mon just talk a lil. will: *shrugs* tabby: Maybe He don't wanna talk to you cause he thinks you're annoying! Matti: Am I annoying? will: *shakes head no* Matti: SEE?? Tabby: Maybe he's Just being Polite! Matti: well are you? Will: *doesn't do a jesture*.. Matti: fine.. so I laid my head down for the two hours we were at the restaurant. Later on our way back he actually talked to me. I kept begging for him to kill me because jenny was singing to Nsync, My fault that I chose the CD, just to shut her up about me picking out a CD. but at least he talked to me. So yeah.. that was an update on my life.. I've had so much fucking drama, I just don't even care for a boyfriend anymore. I want one, yes. and I know I do, because that will never change, but if It's going to have as many problems as everyone elses I see.. then I don't want to try and start with it again, I don't want to deal with all that drama again. I don't wanna get my heart broken all over again, because I seriously feel I won't make it this time. -Matti