I dont exist anymore.. I could care less about my life, future, plans, Dreams, Loves, Losts, everything.. I dont want it anymore, Possessions, People, nothing. Its nothing to me... Im nothing. I feel Completely Dead.. I have no feelings anymore.. none whatsoever.. really.. I dont even know why I exist anymore.. I mean, I dont really care if I die anymore, I also could care less about Dying though. Its just.. No deal for me, Nothing is. I dont want a Relationship anymore, I dont want anything.. I just want to be alone.. And Care about nothing.. I hope i dont go down to those Cutters who Cut to realize they are alive.. Cause I already have to deal with me cutting to relieve alot of anger and pain... this will fuck me up.. already has.. Cause I Ran away Saturday.. Dale Pissed me off, Cause mom wanted me to stay home and watch the dogs. Jackie and Jordan wanted me to go to the Puddle to play with them, cause apparently thats what our Lives have been demoted to. I told them I had to stay home and would wait till dale got home.. and it was getting late and I couldnt wait any longer, so I left with them, for about thirty minutes (most likely less cause there wasnt that much water).. and he yelled at me and told them to go home.. "Your Friends Need to Leave" "why?" "Because You were Suppose to Stay Home!" "I was only gone for Approxamitely Thirty Minutes out of a Whole Fucking Twenty Four Hour day!" "I dont care! Your Friends Need to Go Home!" "Fine, Im going With them" "No Your Not!" "Watch Me!".. I came back that night, so I had somewhere to sleep and to gather some stuff. cause then, I had chosen to Run away. The Next day I went with Jackie To her little Cousins birthday party, I never knew the girl, I just was invited cause Jordan couldnt go, and Jackie didnt want to go alone.. Those people were fucking Rude.. Im not going into Detail about that. Lets just say, a Bitch didnt like me at all. and Wasnt the Most open Minded person there. Everyone else was nice, but she was horrible. We ended going back to Jackies House, and I hung out with all of them, and Her older brother Wanted me to stay at his place for the night. I was all for it, since I didnt have anywhere else to go (They didnt know that..) So I Went With Him, His Fiance' and My Friend Amber Who lives with them. And stayed there. Two nights, I thought One.. but they had a change of plans... The next day, My mom was there.. taking me away. She found out where I was from Jackies Mom... So... thats basically it.. I didnt even get far.. It fucking sucks.. Im grounded for two weeks.. Ive never been grounded before. Its okay I guess, Not like Ive did anything else with my life. I'll run away again eventually. Watch. My Stomache I think is fully healed. I think I'll cut either tonight or tomorrow night, Depending on how depressive I get.. If I get depressed. Katrina gave a good Idea, Instead of the Tic Tac Toe Pattern, Try the Fishnet pattern, Just Cross Hatching.. I'll do that instead. and Post Pictures. For those of the "Why Me?" Readers, Im sorry I havent Updated.. Kinda been going through shit, cant you see? -Matti ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Brother jeremy wants me to move in with him, I was so exicted when I heard about it. See. He called and told me the next time I was to run away, that I should call him. And He'd Come pick me up and I'd stay with him. He's the only one in the family that truely cares about me. But anyway. He also talked about how in August he's getting a place in Tallahassee, and that his boyfriend wants me to move in with them because they'll have an extra room, Im all for it, cause jeremy wants me to have a bright future, and he'll do whatever it takes so I wont end up like the others. I want him to be able to push me forward. All We have to do, is get mom to agree. and I'll be gone in August. Away from my ex's.. My Crushes.. My Enemies, everything. 96 days till I move to Tallahassee.