for the last few days, things have been hectic. really hectic, Ive gotten two Zero's in My English 2 Honors class. and Report cards are coming out soon, i have ALOT of homework I NEED to work on, I'll get megan to remind me to do it. cause I REALLY NEED To do it.. you remember those people I had crushes on?.. gone.. Josh was flirting with sarah.. which is convienient since the fact that his girlfriends name, is also, indeed Sarah. but He was flirting with My friend sarah.. saying that he wanted to be sexually active and that he felt horrible and that he would feel like his girlfriend would think he just is using her for sex if He had sex with her.. So I asked how long they were together 'Nine Months'... and so he was flirting and groping Sarah through the grave yard, he kept trying to flirt with me, I just wasnt in the mood so I kept saying "You have a girlfriend, stop it.. go flirt with sarah, thats what you have been doing".. He claimed that He was Only wanting to flirt and grope and shit to make him feel better about the whole issue.. and sometimes, I feel He's bullshitting me. and I dont want to be apart of that game. Matt, is being completely avoiditive. or as one of my vocabulary words say He's been Eschewing Me... Which Means to Shun. All since the day I told his ex I wanted sex badly and would actually consider him.. so he doesnt talk to me, doesnt look at me, and denies my existance.. I guess No guy will ever like me, thats how its always been.. thats how it'll always remain.. I'll be alone.. I read yesterday at the public Library that homosexuals are only homosexual because they lacked a father figure, and Look for the Male in their life sexually instead.. I dont believe it of course... or.. maybe I do.. because I never really had a father to look to.. at all.. I dunno.. I just dont think its possible to change someone from being gay, I would so wanna be straight but its impossible. and yeah.. heh.. I wish I could die. I really really wish I could. Guess I cant Becca Left today, I already miss her, She was My "Husband" a little joke we had, She's moving to california..I wanted to cry.. it was horrible.. so I gave her a long ass hug before she left.. I'll Miss you Becca -Matti