yeaaaa... it was aloooooong night i was bored, jus got done watchin North Shore, not in a bad mood, but not very happy... jus blah so i got on-line and started talking to dan.. well in ryans away it was likefollowin the trend of Bl4ckHe4rt... well i didn't kno it then but ryan likes ashley, and i gess they went out once, but anywayz... i was like wut does ryan have to do wit ashley?, and dan goes, DUH!!! R U FUCKEN STUPID!!! OMFG YER DUMB!!... yea shit like that starts to really hurt after awhile... and i dun kno y he can't jus fucken tell me he likes ashley, i kno he does, u can tell, plus britt and tony both talk to dan, and he says ho much he still cares fer her, but he tells me he dun like any1 god!!!.. everytime he feels like shit over ashley... he takes it out on me fer like the next 2 days... yea thats kinda gay, i jus want him to be happy, i dun want him to yell at me anymore : ( well... i was feeling really shitty, and i was talking to britt... i started crying AGAIN.. god, sumtimes i feel like such a baby!!! i hate letting ppl kno i'm crying, i dun want ppl thinkin i cry over everything, i didn't used to cry at all, i felt like shit everyday, bu i didn't cry fer like 2 years, and then this year, since like january, i cry allll the time,i jus want it to stop... i want to stop hurting... i need to make every1 think that i'm ok... so from now on... i'm gunn be happy... i'm not gunna care anymore... nuthin bout me seems to matter to him anymore... so y should he matter to me? well... my eyes still sting from crying, and i'm pretty tired so i think i'm gunna go to bed now... i hope i have sweet dreamz tonight, :(