ugh... yea... i feel like shit, but what the fuck else is new... i will tell you about my week, i don't remeber each day, but i'll jus let you kno the important parts... dan call ed brittany fat, i bitched at him all day, i was mad that he said that, even though he was just kidding.... brittany and tracei realized that they both hate eachother me and dan got in a fight with tony and brittany, yea, dan and tony aren't friend anymore, and me and britt didn't like talk at all the next day (today) till 9th period... uh... that was our first reall right since we been friends, yea, it sucked ass, i still feel like somethings missing, but w/e marcy, rebba, tabatha, and cassie, uh, that wuold suck.... so yea... that leaves me to here, jus sitting here at 11:00 feeling wicked shitty... i dont even kno why sometimes, i feel so dumb just complaining all the time, but i jus can't stand it, i always hide the way i feel from people, so when i get to write in here, its like where i show who i really am, how i really feel... and right now, i really feel shitty... i can't stop thinkin about shit... my mom does nothing but bitch at me all the time, i'll jus be sitting on my bed, and somehow even that isn't right to do... ugh... i really hate her sometimes, i jus can't stand it... i really do try hard to be perfect for her, i jus can't be who she wants, i don't even kno what to do, everynight when i leave dans, i never want to go home, its not because i'm so upset to leave dan or anything like that, but i jus don't wanna go home, i don't wanna see my mom, i don't wanna talk to john, i don't wanna see my perfect brother, i don't want to sit there all alone in a room of a shitty house... i hate it so much... and i'm scared that my mom is gunna get even orse then this... i don't want her to get so mad at me... it just seems like she doesn't even care... it jus seems like, i'm trying so hard to make pl around me happy, that i don't do anything for myself... i try hard to be the friend that i should be, i was trying to get good grades in school, i was trying to be the daughter i was supposed to be, i was trying to "get along" with john, and on top of all that, i was trying to be myself... i'm breaking down, and falling so slowly, and i'm reaching for the rope to pull me up, i can't get to it... i loko down to see who is there to catch me, and i see nobody, no1 to help me, no1 to catch me, all i want is for every1 i love to be happy, but why does that mean i can't be?... ugh well... this is a really long entry about th same shit i've been complaining about for like ever... sorry if you don't wanna her it anymore... but yea... i gess i'm gunna go now... hey.. its 11:11.... wishes don't come true... so why do i still live here... ...if i handed you a gun, tears streaming down my face, and said "PLEASE, kill me now"... would you pull the trigor?... i would... goodnight