today was a boring and gay day... wow i woke up, and just sat around alll day... i didn't even take a shower till 3... then i jus hung around my comp all day my grandma came over... she said my dad wasn't gunna be home till later, and she wanted to take me to Friendlys... so yea... we got there and we started talking about how my sister wasn't ready to have a kid, and she wants to go out every night like she used to.. and all this other shit about how shitty she has made her life... and then we got on the topic of my mom and dad... i said i didn't think my mom wanted me, and she wasn't ready to have a daughter... and my grandma said "your ABSOLUTELY right... she did not want a kid, she wasn't ready... maybe if she and your father waited, things would be better..." and she just said a bunch of shit that made me feel like i'm not even supposed to here... maybe i'm not... maybe i shouldn't be here... maybe my mom didn't want me, maybe i em just some mistake... she tells me all the time how i'm not what i'm supposed to be...and ugh... and then i was in the car on the way home thinkin to myself... is life REALLY worth it... sure, if you turn out to be some famous person, oor not even that, jus sum1 to make a difference somewhere, then it would be worth it... but if i end up like my sister(and i'm probly on my way)... then what the hellis there to live for... nothing.. at all... to live, and be unhappy for your whole life... it just sounds like hell to me... so i got to thinkin, maybe if i'm not supposed to behere, and if i have nothing to live for... why the hell should i stay... why don't i jus end all this shit now, make every1's life easier... and just end this... b4 it gets too late, and i have a kid to stay for or something... w/e anwayz, to go on for the rest of my day... i got on line and started talking to dan... i read his pro, at the very bottum it said.. B.j.I ... i was like what's that?... and he goes "my real fathers name"... i think my heart just about dropped to my stomache... so yea... his dad isn't his dad, but his mom is his mom... wow... well... now i'm just sitting here feeling like shit.. what else is new... i don't even kno what to do anymore, and i hate it... ugh.. w/e... i gess i'm gunna now, this entry is pretty long.... later