well yea... today iwoke up got ready for school... yea that was gay.. but w.e. nothing really new, i'm not completely failing allof my classes so thats good... still gunna get bitched at for it tho... ummm got home, and chilled at dans house till like 4... i talked to him about some stuff that i've been keeping from him for a while, it was nice tolet it out... yea i got home, and i didn't really want to go to my dads, so i asked if i could stay at her house tonight and jus go tomorrow, and the fucken bitch said i had to come here!, and that i couldn't come home till fuckin sunday afternoon, gee thanx mom i fuckin love you 2... so yea... anotherthing my mother says tome.. to make me feel so special.. when my dad picked me up,i was thinking in the truck that... i'm actually realizing that i want sum1... i want sum1 to hold me, and kiss me goodnight, and say that they love me, and tell me that i'm the greatest thing in thier life, and they don't know what they would do without me... and i hate that i want that,i hate how i feel like i need that, because the more i think about it, the more i think about my mom, and how just like that she is, that she needs a guy to be happy, and thats not me... but i feel like thats what its coming down to... i've been trying for so long to make my own happiness, and its not working, i want to be in som1's arms, iwant some1 to love me... and i feel so pathetic and immature saying this shit... i'm breaking down inside, and all i want is for sum1 to whisper in my ear... "its ok steph, you can make it threw this.... i promise" i hate this...i hate complaing, i hate crying, i hate feeling like shit... and jus ugh... another things that scares me, is that last week i was fucken happy everyday.. well almost... and this week i feel like shit all the time... i don't like how i cango fromhappy to sad in a day without anything really happening... and sometimes i think the cause of everything bad in my life is the fear of my mom... the fear that i'm gunna be like her, and this fear is so strong that its actually taking over and making me seem more like her, idk, it sounds crazy, but maybe its the truth, it seem i don't know anything anymore.. but yea, i'm gunna go now, because this entry is just one big complaint... i'll write more tomorrow... later