this morning sucked ass at my dads house...as you all can tell from my last entry... when my mom picked me up, i had to wear her shoes, cuz i didn't have any, and john started bitching at me for something, and i told him to shut up, and he started yelling at me wicked bad... and my mom started saying all this stuff, like i didn't turn out the way she wanted me... and that she wanted to kill me, and all this other shit, that made me feel wonderfull... then i got to my grandpas house, and i saw this pic of me, in his living room... i met my uncle scott and cousins there... we went to the funeral place, and when i got in there, i wa jus looking around, and i saw my grandpa jus laying there, it jus kinda shocked me right there... we jus sat there for a while, and i was sitting on the couch with my unlce jim(grandpas brother)... and he was telling me all these stories about how they would always talk on sundays about how much he loved his grand kids and all of this other stuff, and right there i jus started to get wicked teary eyed... he went in to see my grandpa tho, and when he came out, he was crying, and was like, i kisse him goodbye... i felt wicked bad, then my uncle aunt and cousins went in, and they all came out crying, and then it was my mom's turn, and she went in for a little while, and then john told me to come in with him, so i did... i walked up, my mom was crying wicked bad, and the closer i got, the more i started to shake... it was really hard, i jus wanted to say how much i loved him, and i was jus standing there, looking at this body, that didn't even look like him... i jus went to my mom and started crying, i seriously didn't kno how to handle it at the time... when we were all done doing that, ppl statde coming, and i didn't kno most of the ppl that were there, they all jus came up and sed sorry.. i was like ok?... thn we came back to my grandpas house to eat... its still almost exactly the same, i keep expecting to see him turning around the corner, but i kno that won't happen... so here i em, jus sitting here, with my cool cousin laying on the bed... were leaving soon, nd i don't kno what time i will be home, so i might write more later... if not, i will write tomorrow morning later